According to my handy widget, there are only 20 days until PRESSURE hits bookstores, and it’s time to start training for May 26th. Because if you think you’re going to be able to just wander into your local bookstore and simply pluck a copy off the shelf, you’re likely to find yourself spending May 27th – November 13th in the hospital, bleeding a lot. No, to get through those frenzied crowds, you’ll need to master the following skills:
1. The “duck and crawl.”
2. The “quadruple kick.”
3. The “pepper spray dance.”
4. The “old lady choke.”
5. The “unfragrant aroma.”
You can practice these at home, but to fully optimize your skill set and be certain that you don’t miss out on P-Day, I encourage you to venture out and purchase a popular new release. May I suggest OVER MY DEAD BODY, by Michele Bardsley? It just came out yesterday and it’s the fifth book in her extremely funny series of Books With Titles That Sound Like Things Mothers Say But The Context Is Kind of Warped And Until This Most Recent Book The Word “Vampire” Was Included. (And I don’t say “extremely funny” often, because I’m usually too busy engaging in smear campaigns against other humor authors.)
Michele won’t get mad if you start with the fifth book, although she’ll get even less mad if you buy the first four as well. It’s worth noting that Michele has read almost all of my books, but she refuses to read PRESSURE because she thinks it will completely freak her out. And it will! It’ll turn her mind to gooshy twitchy muck! Her cowardice will save her brain.
Anyway, go out and buy OVER MY DEAD BODY within the next 1-6 days and practice the above maneuvers. Not all five–that would be obnoxious–but try to get in two or three. Or you can make five separate trips to the bookstore, purchase one of the five books with each visit, and practice one skill each time.
Check out her freebie-loaded website at www.michelebardsley.com.