Linkies (Part One of ???)

Brain Tremors: The Adam Blomquist Blog, has a great review of BENJAMIN’S PARASITE. He’s only been doing this blog for a couple of months, but there’s a lot of cool stuff in the archives, even if it’s a bit jarring to read that he was born the same year BEETLEJUICE came out. 

Elizabeth “All Purpose Monkey” White has been setting an excellent example for the youth of this nation by posting her PRESSURE review all over the place. The best place to find it, of course, is Musings of An All-Purpose Monkey

Terri Garey is the author of several paranormal romantic comedies, including YOU’RE THE ONE THAT I HAUNT, which I got free at the Romantic Times convention, and DEAD GIRLS ARE EASY, which I paid for so I could start with the first book in the series. And she actually took advantage of my “blog tour.” Yeah! Check it out here.

I’m in Cemetery Dance!

Hey, how’s this for timing? The new issue of Cemetery Dance (#60) is now available, and it contains an interview with me conducted by the lovely and talented Steve Vernon, as well as my short story “My Knife Collection.” The interview was done a couple of years ago, but I got to revise my answers not too long ago, so it’s all accurate, except that my next book for Leisure is no longer something called BLISTER, it’s called…well, I’ll save that for a couple of other interviews I’ll be linking to in the next week or so.

There’ve been plenty of reports of people receiving PRESSURE and/or BENJAMIN’S PARASITE in the mail this week. Only 10 days left until PRESSURE shows up in bookstores, but now you’ve got Cemetery Dance to take the edge off your ferocious drooling hunger.

NOTE: The very first page of PRESSURE has a teaser for a later scene in the book. If you’re an undecided consumer and you’re going to make me =prove= that this book is worth your $7.99 + applicable sales tax, then read it. If you’re going to buy the book anyway, or read it in the store, or mug somebody who just bought a copy, then don’t read the teaser because otherwise you’ll know that there’s a part where the hero is in a [spoiler deleted] with a [spoiler deleted] and has to [spoiler deleted].

Green Day & Me

So yesterday the new Green Day album, 21st Century Breakdown, came out. It’s their first new album in five years, since American Idiot

Of course, it’s not REALLY their first new album in five years, since most Green Day fans know that last year they put out a CD and did a 12-city tour in small venues as The Foxboro Hot Tubs. In the spirit of celebrating their new album and offering up a good old-fashioned “Nyahh nyahh!” I’d like to point out that if you go to the official Foxboro Hot Tubs site, you’ll see a picture where I’m maybe two feet from Billie Joe Armstrong (who poured beer on me and grabbed me by the back of the head during the course of the show).

I’m right above Lynne Hansen, the chick in the light blue shirt.

www.foxborohottubs.com/photos/pages/d_NewOrleans004.html

In Today’s Mail…

Woo-hoo!!!

Yesterday’s Schedule O’ Fun!

1. Notice that Amazon shows PRESSURE “In Stock.” Gasp a couple of times.

2. Drive to the closest bookstore to see if it’s there. Via cell phone, discuss with my wife the fact that our air conditioner at home won’t be fixed until Saturday. (Our house kind of sucks right now.)

3. Park at the bookstore and get out of the car, while distracted by thoughts of new book and cell phone conversation.

4. Use the S-word upon realization that I locked my keys in the car.

5. Upgrade to the F-word upon realization that the engine is still running.

6. Call AAA. 

7. With the keys still in the ignition and the engine running, decide that it’s a poor idea to run inside the bookstore. Stand in the parking lot. 

8. Watch the sky darken as a storm approaches.

9. Take a cell phone picture of the darkening sky, because it kind of sounds like something I made up for my blog.

10. Half an hour later, Door Unlocking Guy arrives. Uses what looks like about six bucks worth of equipment to unlock the door in about thirty seconds. Guy is genuinely friendly and never says “You locked your keys in the car with the engine running? What kind of dumb-ass are you?”

11. Within ten seconds of my car door being opened, it starts to POUR. 

12. But I still want to go into the bookstore, so I get drenched.

13. No PRESSURE. They’ll have copies earlier, but it won’t be on the shelves until the scheduled May 26th date.

14. Go home.

15. Brother-in-law offers advice on how to fix air conditioner. This requires going outside and digging through mud and wet leaves to find a pipe. Realize the irony that I’m outside, soaked and shivering, in an effort to cool down the house.

16. It works!

17. Fake-out. It only seems like it’s working. 

18. But LOST season finale is awesome.

Blog Tour! But Not Really!

Lots of authors these days are doing blog tours. Joe. Konrath wrote original content for over 100 blogs to promote his book AFRAID. I’m not nearly as hyper as Joe, so I can’t do that. Instead, I’m offering a guest blog right here. Just insert your name and book and post away!

Version #1, For Authors….
_____

Hi! I’m published author Jeff Strand! My novel PRESSURE will be at a bookstore near you on May 26th, and it answers the age-old question “What if your best friend was a killer…and he wanted you to be just like him?” Publishers Weekly called it “marvelously creepy reading…the horror in this tale of twisted friendship is relentless.” Sweet, huh?

But you know what? Screw PRESSURE. [Your Book Here] is way better. After I read it, I called up Leisure Books and begged them not to publish my crappy book. “Don’t worry,” they said, “not everybody can be [Your Name Here]. Even [Your Name Here] has trouble being [Your Name Here] some days. It’s a level of awesomeness that only three or four people can attain at any given time. PRESSURE may not be as good as [Your Book Here], but it’s still a fine piece of work.”

So I broke into the Leisure Books warehouse and burned every copy of PRESSURE that my flamethrower could reach. I think a few copies may have survived, so if you’ve already read [Your Book Here] and everything else by [Your Name Here] you might want to give it a shot. 

_____

Version #2, If You’re Not An Author…

_____

Hi! I’m published author Jeff Strand! My novel PRESSURE will be at a bookstore near you on May 26th, and it answers the age-old question “What if your best friend was a killer…and he wanted you to be just like him?” Publishers Weekly called it “marvelously creepy reading…the horror in this tale of twisted friendship is relentless.” Sweet, huh?

But you know what? Screw PRESSURE. Any random entry from [Your Name Here]’s blog is way better. After I read that last post, I called up Leisure Books and begged them not to publish my crappy book. “Don’t worry,” they said, “not everybody can be [Your Name Here]. Even [Your Name Here] has trouble being [Your Name Here] some days. It’s a level of awesomeness that only three or four people can attain at any given time. PRESSURE may not be as good as the blog of [Your Name Here], but it’s still a fine piece of work.”

So I broke into the Leisure Books warehouse and burned every copy of PRESSURE that my flamethrower could reach. I think a few copies may have survived, so if you’ve already gone back and read the entire archives of [Your Name Here]’s blog, you might want to give it a shot.

Probably Something About PRESSURE…

So today I just happened to walk outside about fifteen seconds before the Atlantis Space Shuttle launched, and the sky was clear enough to get an outstanding view. Sweet!

Giant-sized “Thanks!” to everybody who offered to drop off PRESSURE bookmarks and postcards at their local bookstore, library, friends’ home, sewage treatment facility, or Piggly Wiggly. I got way more offers than I expected–you guys are awesome! I’m gonna pack ’em up, throw in a couple of extra little treats, and try to get them all mailed before the SURVIVOR finale. (I measure time in episodes of SURVIVOR.)

Supplies of these are NOT limited (well, they technically are, but let’s just say that the price difference between ordering in “large” quantities and “ridiculous” quantities was negligible) so if you’re willing to dump a batch of them off somewhere, e-mail me your name and address at gleefullymacabre@gmail.com. Yes, you can keep some for yourself. 

And as a friendly reminder, if you’ve read the hardcover edition and want to have your thoughts become part of the official PRESSURE record, something that thousands of readers will see, something that could change your entire life, something that could redefine the role of the critic in today’s society, here again are four quick links. Pick one! Pick all! Pick three! The power is yours!

Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/d6khmy

Barnes & Noble: http://tinyurl.com/cxjfq7

Borders: http://tinyurl.com/cd83xb

The Horror Mall: http://tinyurl.com/d7sevz

Of course, these links can also be used to pre-order the book, but it would be tacky to ask you to pass out bookmarks and leave reviews and ALSO try to encourage you to buy a copy. I’ll save that for closer to the release.

PRESSURE Banners!

This is what all the truly cool, stylish, edgy, and physically stunning people are putting on their websites, message board signatures, and every other online place they can think of these days. You were in the market for a new banner anyway, weren’t you? 

The HTML code is below each banner. If you use one of them for anything, be sure to e-mail me at gleefullymacabre@gmail.com so I can tell you that you rock!

Pressure Banner Long

<a target=”_blank” href=”http://www.jeffstrand.com”><img border=”0″ alt=”Pressure Banner Long” src=”http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p35/SeriouslyWhacked/PressureBulletBannerLong.gif” /></a>  

PRESSURE Banner

<a target=”_blank” href=”http://www.jeffstrand.com”><img border=”0″ alt=”PRESSURE Banner” src=”http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p35/SeriouslyWhacked/PressureBulletBanner.gif” /></a>

Nosy Review

The juggling act of promoting PRESSURE, BENJAMIN’S PARASITE, and THE SEVERED NOSE continues with a not-so-brand-new review of THE SEVERED NOSE at FearZone, which I hadn’t mentioned sooner because I kept having trouble getting FearZone to load, but it all seems to be working now.

I haven’t really discussed the plot of THE SEVERED NOSE beyond “guy finds a nose on a plate on his dining room table” because I’m being all secretive and stuff, but the FearZone review gives some more description (but nothing that will ruin the book for you). So if you’re curious, check out:

http://www.fearzone.com/blog/severed-strand

Get Yer PRESSURE Bookmarks!

Have you ever been reading a book, and you suddenly realize that you aren’t going to be able to read the entire thing in one sitting, and thus you’re forced to tear out the last page so that you can find your place again? Well, no longer! I’ve invented this amazing new contraption called a “book-marking device,” which is a strip of sturdy paper that you insert BETWEEN the pages where you stopped reading, enabling you to easily and efficiently locate your place in the book and resume the reading process. No more ripped out pages! No more library fines! No more destroyed friendships! 

Oooooh, but it’s even better! These book-marking devices are specially designed to promote the upcoming mass market release of Pressure. How cool is that? Not only will you never lose your place in a book again, but these devices will serve as a handy reminder of a really cool novel you should buy from your local bookstore on May 26th. 

As my promo efforts grow more and more desperate, I’m not going to do anything like ask you to buy extra copies ofPressure to leave at bus stops and stuff, mostly because I’ve made fun of that technique on my website and don’t want to be a hypocrite loser. But if you’d like a batch of FREE bookmarks to leave at your local bookstore, library, zoo, house of ill repute, etc. I will declare that you ROCK!!! 

(Also, you’ll get a bunch of postcards, although I prefer to think of them as mini-mini-mini Pressure posters.)

Q: What if I want a really cool Pressure bookmark, but I don’t want a bunch of extras to leave someplace?

A: Then no bookmark for you, slacker!

Q: I’m totally in! How do I get ’em?

A: Send your name and mailing address to GleefullyMacabre@gmail.com with “PRESSURE” in the subject line. 

Q: What if I’m a crazed fan and I want to give promo items out to everybody I know, and I want to hand them out at my writers’ group and my PTA meetings and at every bookstore within a 75-mile drive from my home? Can I have extras?

A: Hell yeah. If you’re a wild Pressure animal and want more than, say, 25-50, just let me know how many you want. 

Thanks, everyone! Only 18 days remain!

%d bloggers like this: