“TRANSFORMERS 2 Sucked, And I Miss You…”

This post was going to be my epic rant of TRANSFORMERS 2 hate, but sometimes when you write an angry letter, it’s best to get it out of your system, sleep on it before you send it, and then the next day you realize that you feel better. I don’t need to say all of the bad things I was going to say about TRANSFORMERS 2. It’s all right now.

<<<deep, soul-cleansing sigh>>>

Well, okay, one thing: “Let’s roll!” Really? “Let’s roll!” in a mindless summer blockbuster action movie? YOU DUMB PRICKS, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU–

<<<deep, soul-cleansing sigh>>>

Did you notice that despite gazillions of dollars in CGI, the robot transformations are so blurry and incoherent that they might as well just have been filmed like an old werewolf movie, where the guy walks behind a pillar and–boom–he’s a werewolf.

Also, G.I. JOE and the new M. Night Shyamalan movie look so bad that I legitimately believed that both trailers were going to reveal themselves as parodies, maybe with Kevin James showing up or something. 

But I’m over it now. THE HANGOVER was pretty good, right?

In carbonated beverage news, Mountain Dew has 100% redeemed itself for the “Mtn Dew” travesty by introducing Mountain Dew: Throwback, with natural sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup. (They will un-redeem themselves if this is a limited-time product, because it’s pretty much ruined regular Mountain Dew for me.)

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