It’s the Holiday Season!

So I have helpfully compiled a list of books that make great gifts for your friends, loved ones, and co-workers!

  • Gleefully Macabre Tales by Jeff Strand
  • Benjamin’s Parasite by Jeff Strand
  • The Severed Nose by Jeff Strand
  • Pressure by Jeff Strand
  • The Sinister Mr. Corpse by Jeff Strand
  • Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary) by Jeff Strand
  • Single White Psychopath Seeks Same by Jeff Strand
  • Casket For Sale (Only Used Once) by Jeff Strand
  • Mandibles by Jeff Strand
  • The Haunted Forest Tour by Jeff Strand and James A. Moore
  • Out of Whack by Jeff Strand
  • How to Rescue a Dead Princess by Jeff Strand
  • Elrod McBugle on the Loose by Jeff Strand
  • Kutter by Jeff Strand (which is sold-out…but it’s the thought that counts!) 

Wow! All of your holiday shopping needs are taken care of with one website update! My generosity is unmatched!

Gum Non-Update

I haven’t checked on the gum yet. Gotta draw out the suspense. 

In the meantime, bask in the brilliance of Confuzzled Books. 

http://confuzzledbooks.blogspot.com/2009/11/blood-lite-by-various-authors.html

Potentially Disturbing Gum-Related Post

So for Halloween, I wrote a guest blog at The League of Reluctant Adults, talking about my favorite Halloween costumes. One of them was a skull mask (actually, the skull mask from the movie Halloween III: Season of the Witch, although I didn’t know it at the time). I still have this mask, proudly displayed on my top shelf, over a full-sized plastic Spider-Man head that I got for Christmas…I dunno, 10 years ago? The Spider-Man head was filled with Bazooka Joe gum.

Of course, by “was” I mean “is.” The gum is still in there!

I know little about the decomposition process of gum. It might be liquified and brown and ant-laden. It might be all shriveled up. Or it might be just as soft and juicy as the day it was…no, wait, this is Bazooka Joe gum. It might be just as hard and chew-resistant as the day it was made. I wonder if the hilarity of the comics has aged well?

I’m scared to open it. Do you DARE me to???

Spoooooooooooooon!

If I’m not mistaken, this is my very first time posting a YouTube video that isn’t promoting my books. But you just can’t deny the brilliance of…The Horribly Slow Murderer With The Extremely Inefficient Weapon!

(Warning: Contains the F-word and some gore.) 

I almost never watch YouTube videos, and the only other one that I truly thought was hilarious was the “literal version” of Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” Are there other amazing videos that I’m missing? Or is The Horribly Slow Murderer With The Extremely Inefficient Weapon the gold star of YouTube videos? Let’s hear your thoughts in the comments section…

Desperate Souls

So I’ve finally finished reading Greg Lamberson’s fourth novel Desperate Souls. I say “finally” because I’m overwhelmingly, embarrassingly behind on reading my friends’ manuscripts and it took me forever to get to it…but the book itself won’t be published until October 2010, so technically, I’m way ahead of schedule. In fact, I’m something of an inspiration. The rest of you are SLACKERS!

Anyway, here’s the deal: When Greg’s third novel, The Frenzy Way, is published in June 2010, it will be his best novel. Then when Desperate Souls comes out, THAT will be his best novel. I assume that with novel #5 he’ll lose his way and deliver a sub-par work, but then he’ll come back with a vengeance for novel #6, and then just when you think he couldn’t write anything better than novel #6 he’ll write novel #7, which makes novels # 1-6 look like mildewy crap, and then novel #8 will come out and people will be all “WTF? How did the genius who wrote novel #7 sink to such depths?” but then novel #9 will be his “return to his roots” novel, after which the bodies will be discovered and Greg’s career will rise to astronomical heights but he won’t be allowed to profit from it from his prison cell.

Desperate Souls is the second book in the Jake Helman Files, a series that began with the excellent Personal Demons, which has just been reprinted in a handy mass market paperback edition by Medallion Press, and which is lurking at your local bookstore at this very moment. Go buy one. It looks like this:

Pretty freaky, huh? Personal Demons is an outstanding, ambitious book, and you’ll get more out of Desperate Souls if you’ve read this one first. But Desperate Souls is even better. Greg knows how to write an action sequence, and this book has lots of ’em. It’s got colorful, memorable characters, and one truly great “Whoa! I can’t believe he did that!” moment that I won’t even hint at here, except that I e-mailed Greg and said “Whoa! I can’t believe you did that!” Let’s just say that while it’s the second book in what will be an ongoing series, it doesn’t play safe.

“But wait!” you may be saying. “Isn’t Greg Lamberson your friend? It says so right in the first paragraph! What kind of scam are you trying to pull here?” 

Yes. But I’m only friends with GOOD writers. The others get their asses kicked right the hell out of my social circle. If your books aren’t at least three-and-a-half stars out of five in my rating system, then screw you! 

Actually, we became buddies because a) I had really enjoyed his movie Slime City back in the 80’s when it first came out on VHS, and b) after I met him person at the 2005 World Horror Convention I traded him a copy of Mandibles for a copy of Personal Demons and e-mailed him to say “Whoa, dude! Personal Demons rocks!” So it’s a friendship born from the sheer coolness of the book to your left. 

 Check out Greg’s official website at http://www.slimeguy.com.

 

Night of the Living Dead: The Play

This weekend I saw Night of the Living Dead: The Play. For the first half, I was worried that what we were actually seeing was Night of the Living Dead: Just the Boring Parts. The lengthy “Barbara chased by the graveyard zombie” sequence at the beginning of the movie was cut way down for obvious reasons, and the doomed attempt to fill the truck with gasoline happens off-stage…but we DID get the entirety of Ben’s tedious monologue about how he arrived at the farmhouse. 

But…it’s ZOMBIES! On stage! Eating people! And though it took a while to deliver the zombie flesh-eating mayhem, once it got there, the play delivered in a big way. Whatta finale! After it reached the spot where the film ends, I thought “Okay, this play has completely redeemed itself.” But then things took a complete shift in tone, and suddenly we were in a shamelessly silly comedy! The curtain call provided more entertainment value than the entire rest of the play! I’m not sure if this is part of the show itself, or just something that the Jobsite Theatre in Tampa came up with (so I won’t give it away), but it made me wish they’d taken a goofier tone with the rest of the show. 

The last thing I saw at the Jobsite Theatre (Clive Barker’s History of the Devil) was much better, but I definitely got my money’s worth with Night of the Living Dead: The Play.

I repeat: Zombies! On stage! Eating people!

The Greatest Book of All Time…?

Yes.

In Honor Of New Moon…

Gooooooooooo Team Jacob!!!

(Important note to members of Team Edward: My allegiance can be bought, dirt-cheap. Contact me for details.)

Gleefully at the Mall!

Hey, kiddies! Gleefully Macabre Tales is now available for pre-order at The Horror Mall! 

Click here to get it!

They’ve also got most of my other books, including the super-deluxe ultra-limited gasp-inducing lettered edition of Benjamin’s Parasite, so stock up!

Look…

I’m not saying that I will destroy the entire Internet if you don’t order a copy of Gleefully Macabre Tales in paperback. 

However, I’m also not saying that I WON’T.

Oh, sure, I probably don’t have the means to carry out such a task…but are you sure? You like websites, don’t you? Wouldn’t it suck if all of them were gone?

Let your conscience and fear be your guide.

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