The Rising (Without Zombies)

With Pride & Prejudice & Zombies 2 hitting stores tomorrow, I thought it was time for me to jump on the bandwagon and pick my own public domain novel to enhance with zombies. Then I thought, y’know, everybody else is doing this with public domain novels, so to be different I should use a fully copyrighted novel. And everybody else is adding zombies, so I’ll subtract zombies. Therefore, I proudly present Brian Keene‘s zombie classic The Rising (Without Zombies).

The Rising (Without Zombies)

by Brian Keene and Jeff Strand

Nobody scrabbled for an entrance to his grave. His wife, naturally, was not there either, considering that she was deceased and not nearly as ravenous for Jim in death as she’d been in life. No faint, soulless cries drifted down through ten feet of soil and rock. It was actually rather peaceful.

The kerosene lamp cast flickering shadows on the cinder block walls, and the air in the shelter was stale and earthy. His grip on the Ruger tightened, despite the complete lack of danger. Above him, Carrie did nothing, since–as previously mentioned–she was deceased and therefore lay quite still in her adequately sealed casket.

She’d been dead for a week. Even if she were reanimated, which would never happen, no doubt rigor mortis would prevent any noteworthy muscle movement. Maybe she’d twitch a little bit, but nothing major.

Jim sighed, breathing in the dank air. He lifted the metal coffeepot from where it sat on the heater and poured himself a cup. The warmth felt good, and he lingered there for a moment, before regretfully turning the heater off. To conserve fuel, he only ran it to heat up his meals. The brief comfort only made the damp chill stronger.

The lack of noise continued from above.

Jim wasn’t quite sure why he lived down in this shelter, considering that everything in the outside world was pretty much fine. It seemed kind of silly most of the time, to be honest, and several times he’d thought to himself Maybe I should get out of this miserable underground shelter, take a dip in my Jacuzzi, and check out some Internet porn.

And so he did.

Above him, the newly risen moon shined down upon the world, staring at a mirror image of its cold yet still completely alive self.

– The End –

If you want the zombies back, buy The Rising here.

Then pad out your shopping cart with Dweller.


21 Responses to “The Rising (Without Zombies)”

  1. John Says:



  2. Doug Bolden Says:

    *clap* *clap* *clap*


  3. Gorebeast Says:

    Hahaha! Awesome. Totally awesome, man.


  4. Nick Cato Says:

    ROFLMAO—-very cool!!


  5. Brian Keene Says:

    I still say we should use vampires for the sequel. Nobody writes about vampires anymore.


  6. Ed Says:

    Oh My God. That was BRILLIANT!!
    ( I am still a little dizzy from laughing so hard )


  7. thetony Says:


    The next literary craze!


  8. Qweequeg Says:

    LMAO! That was awesome, Jeff!


  9. Colum Says:

    This is great. How about Darkness at the Edge of Town without the Darkness?


  10. Desmond Reddick Says:

    I was going to ask if “brilliant” was over doing it but then someone else said it. So: Brilliant!

    Also, I want The Stand: The Complete Uncut Healthy Edition by Stephen King and Jeff Strand, without the plague. That should be at least three times as long as the above entry.

    On my desk by morning, Strand!


  11. Mary Jude Schmitz Says:

    Wow, I didn’t think Brian Keene’s books could be improved but you have done it! If you feel the Stand is too much maybe you could try Stephen King’s It with It?


  12. Mary Jude Schmitz Says:

    I mean without It 🙂


  13. Haleyknitz Says:

    lol wow that was profound.


  14. Kevin David Anderson Says:

    Very funny Jeff.

    Now lets see Dracula without vampires
    Harry Potter without magic
    Twilight without any (insert your own joke here)


  15. JM Says:

    hahaha so awesome!! LOVE IT.


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