With Pride & Prejudice & Zombies 2 hitting stores tomorrow, I thought it was time for me to jump on the bandwagon and pick my own public domain novel to enhance with zombies. Then I thought, y’know, everybody else is doing this with public domain novels, so to be different I should use a fully copyrighted novel. And everybody else is adding zombies, so I’ll subtract zombies. Therefore, I proudly present Brian Keene‘s zombie classic The Rising (Without Zombies).
The Rising (Without Zombies)
by Brian Keene and Jeff Strand
Nobody scrabbled for an entrance to his grave. His wife, naturally, was not there either, considering that she was deceased and not nearly as ravenous for Jim in death as she’d been in life. No faint, soulless cries drifted down through ten feet of soil and rock. It was actually rather peaceful.
The kerosene lamp cast flickering shadows on the cinder block walls, and the air in the shelter was stale and earthy. His grip on the Ruger tightened, despite the complete lack of danger. Above him, Carrie did nothing, since–as previously mentioned–she was deceased and therefore lay quite still in her adequately sealed casket.
She’d been dead for a week. Even if she were reanimated, which would never happen, no doubt rigor mortis would prevent any noteworthy muscle movement. Maybe she’d twitch a little bit, but nothing major.
Jim sighed, breathing in the dank air. He lifted the metal coffeepot from where it sat on the heater and poured himself a cup. The warmth felt good, and he lingered there for a moment, before regretfully turning the heater off. To conserve fuel, he only ran it to heat up his meals. The brief comfort only made the damp chill stronger.
The lack of noise continued from above.
Jim wasn’t quite sure why he lived down in this shelter, considering that everything in the outside world was pretty much fine. It seemed kind of silly most of the time, to be honest, and several times he’d thought to himself Maybe I should get out of this miserable underground shelter, take a dip in my Jacuzzi, and check out some Internet porn.
And so he did.
Above him, the newly risen moon shined down upon the world, staring at a mirror image of its cold yet still completely alive self.
– The End –
If you want the zombies back, buy The Rising here.
Then pad out your shopping cart with Dweller.
March 22, 2010 at 9:58 pm
March 22, 2010 at 10:00 pm
*clap* *clap* *clap*
March 22, 2010 at 10:01 pm
Hahaha! Awesome. Totally awesome, man.
March 22, 2010 at 10:03 pm
March 22, 2010 at 10:34 pm
I still say we should use vampires for the sequel. Nobody writes about vampires anymore.
March 23, 2010 at 6:49 pm
THE RISING (WITHOUT ZOMBIES) (BUT NOW WITH VAMPIRES). I smell a hit!
March 22, 2010 at 10:37 pm
Oh My God. That was BRILLIANT!!
( I am still a little dizzy from laughing so hard )
March 23, 2010 at 12:42 am
The next literary craze!
March 23, 2010 at 10:06 am
LMAO! That was awesome, Jeff!
March 23, 2010 at 11:45 am
This is great. How about Darkness at the Edge of Town without the Darkness?
March 23, 2010 at 6:54 pm
Okay, now you’re just being silly…
March 23, 2010 at 3:58 pm
I was going to ask if “brilliant” was over doing it but then someone else said it. So: Brilliant!
Also, I want The Stand: The Complete Uncut Healthy Edition by Stephen King and Jeff Strand, without the plague. That should be at least three times as long as the above entry.
On my desk by morning, Strand!
March 23, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Or THE STAND: CAPTAIN TRIPPS WASN’T QUITE AS BIG OF A DEAL AS WE THOUGHT, SORRY ABOUT ALL THE PANIC AND STUFF EDITION.
March 23, 2010 at 9:48 pm
Or THE STAND: HEALTH CARE REFORM PASSED SO WE’RE ALL GOOD, SOMEONE CALL THIS GUY IN THE CAR AN AMBULANCE.
March 23, 2010 at 5:35 pm
Wow, I didn’t think Brian Keene’s books could be improved but you have done it! If you feel the Stand is too much maybe you could try Stephen King’s It with It?
March 23, 2010 at 5:36 pm
I mean without It 🙂
March 23, 2010 at 7:02 pm
IT WITHOUT IT is a catchy title, even minus the whole “messing with Stephen King’s novel” angle.
March 24, 2010 at 10:55 am
March 26, 2010 at 1:45 pm
lol wow that was profound.
March 26, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Very funny Jeff.
Now lets see Dracula without vampires
Harry Potter without magic
Twilight without any (insert your own joke here)
April 6, 2010 at 5:11 am
hahaha so awesome!! LOVE IT.