Important Cannibalism Alert

This product was recently brought into my household. I’m not alarmed by the ginger root with arms, legs, and facial features, but I AM deeply disturbed that he’s eating a ginger chew!

“Yes,” you may be saying, “but it’s a Spicy Apple Ginger Chew. He’s just in it for the apple part!” So are you saying that if I were to make myself a human-and-bacon sandwich, I’d be less of a cannibal?

I mean, sure, there are plenty of barbecue places that feature happy pigs slobbering over a rack of ribs, but at least we don’t actually SEE the cannibalism. But look at that package. Look at the way the ginger chew is stretching from his hand to his teeth. Look at that smile.

This is SICK, people, and I don’t mean “sick” in the way these damn modern kids have appropriated the word.