To my slack-jawed astonishment, it’s been brought to my attention that some readers doubt my claim that The Sinister Mr. Corpse is the finest zombie novel ever written. This is particularly odd because I never actually said that out loud, I just whispered it to myself in the mirror, but regardless, I stand by that assessment.
And I’m willing to prove it, by having The Sinister Mr. Corpse face off against every other zombie book out there. Oh, there will be some challenges, but I’m sure that by the end, you’ll all agree that no other zombie novel comes close to the sheer level of awesomeness radiated by my ultimate masterpiece.
Johnny Gruesome by Greg Lamberson may seem like a tough contender. After all, the foreword for the hardcover edition was written by me, the author of The Sinister Mr. Corpse, and my excellent taste has already been well established. Not to mention that Johnny Gruesome has not only a kick-ass theme song, but an entire CD of hard-rockin’ tunes that you can listen to while you read. And there’s even a music video where some chick gets her finger chomped off.
Yes, the novel is a gory good time, and if you’re looking to buy TWO zombie novels this year I might recommend that you purchase a copy…but Johnny Gruesome is a high school student. You know who else is a high school student? That mopey vampire in Twilight. Despite Lamberson’s attempts to portray his lead zombie as a dangerous, scary rebel who wreaks vengeance and stuff, he is ultimately part of the exact same demographic as Edward Cullen! Yeah, I guess Edward is supposed to be a century old, but if he were part of a Nielsen family, he’d check off the same damn box on the form as Mr. Gruesome.
(Edward Cullen’s initials are EC. Johnny Gruesome was inspired by EC comics. Need anything else?)
Yes, Johnny Gruesome is a quality novel, but in the end it’s just too close to a tale about whiny sparkly vampires, and thus cannot compete with the sheer tornado of greatness that is The Sinister Mr. Corpse.
OFFICIAL RULING: The Sinister Mr. Corpse for the win.
If you’ve written a zombie book that you think can compete in a head-to-head duel with me (spoiler alert: it can’t) then e-mail me at email@example.com with a link to your ordering information, and I will be happy to FINISH YOU!!!