To my slack-jawed astonishment, it’s been brought to my attention that some readers doubt my claim that The Sinister Mr. Corpse is the finest zombie novel ever written. This is particularly odd because I never actually said that out loud, I just whispered it to myself in the mirror, but regardless, I stand by that assessment.
And I’m willing to prove it, by having The Sinister Mr. Corpse face off against every other zombie book out there. Oh, there will be some challenges, but I’m sure that by the end, you’ll all agree that no other zombie novel comes close to the sheer level of awesomeness radiated by my ultimate masterpiece.
Round One: The Sinister Mr. Corpse VS Johnny Gruesome
Johnny Gruesome by Greg Lamberson may seem like a tough contender. After all, the foreword for the hardcover edition was written by me, the author of The Sinister Mr. Corpse, and my excellent taste has already been well established. Not to mention that Johnny Gruesome has not only a kick-ass theme song, but an entire CD of hard-rockin’ tunes that you can listen to while you read. And there’s even a music video where some chick gets her finger chomped off.
Yes, the novel is a gory good time, and if you’re looking to buy TWO zombie novels this year I might recommend that you purchase a copy…but Johnny Gruesome is a high school student. You know who else is a high school student? That mopey vampire in Twilight. Despite Lamberson’s attempts to portray his lead zombie as a dangerous, scary rebel who wreaks vengeance and stuff, he is ultimately part of the exact same demographic as Edward Cullen! Yeah, I guess Edward is supposed to be a century old, but if he were part of a Nielsen family, he’d check off the same damn box on the form as Mr. Gruesome.
(Edward Cullen’s initials are EC. Johnny Gruesome was inspired by EC comics. Need anything else?)
Yes, Johnny Gruesome is a quality novel, but in the end it’s just too close to a tale about whiny sparkly vampires, and thus cannot compete with the sheer tornado of greatness that is The Sinister Mr. Corpse.
OFFICIAL RULING: The Sinister Mr. Corpse for the win.
If you’ve written a zombie book that you think can compete in a head-to-head duel with me (spoiler alert: it can’t) then e-mail me at gleefullymacabre@gmail.com with a link to your ordering information, and I will be happy to FINISH YOU!!!
Gleefully Macabre 
February 23, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Give it up, Strand. My amazingly excellent, award-winning novel, DEAD GIRLS ARE EASY, has a genuine zombie in the truest Voodoo sense of the “zombie” word, not some made-up, brought-back-to-life-in-your-own-rotting-body zombie like THE SINISTER MR. CORPSE, plus it has SEX! (Disclaimer: Not zombie sex. If you’re really into that kind of thing you’ll have to go read my special zombie short, ZOMBIES NEED LOVE, TOO a/k/a LOVE STINKS, AND SO DOES YOUR BREATH on my blog at http://tgarey.blogspot.com/2011/02/yet-another-le-regazze-morte-sono.html )
But back to my amazingly excellent, award-winning novel, DEAD GIRLS ARE EASY (did I mention it won several national awards?) which has been published in three languages, reviewed in Publishers Weekly, had a rock n’ roll song (complete with video) created in its honor, and contains SEX. Unlike THE SINISTER MR. CORPSE (which I gave four stars on Amazon, and would’ve given five if it had maybe contained SEX), it has characters who actually do the deed, instead of all that “Oh, I’d love to have sex but nobody wants to have sex with a zombie!” whining contained within the pages of THE SINISTER MR. CORPSE.
What’s that? What was that sound I just heard? I do believe it was your head hitting the mat in defeat, Strand.
Stop whining. It’s unmanly.
OFFICIAL RULING: DEAD GIRLS ARE EASY for the win.
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February 23, 2011 at 6:00 pm
It doesn’t count if you’re just posting your nonsense in my comments section. I’ll determine the true victor and share the results after they’ve been tabulated.
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February 24, 2011 at 9:28 am
I don’t understand why ‘SEX’ would have such an important role in a zombie book. Really? In ‘Night of the Living Dead’, did they stop in the middle for a huge sex scene? Yea… don’t think you’re winning your case here based off of just one thing. Strand for the win!
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February 26, 2011 at 12:23 pm
Zombies and SEX? Isn’t necrophelia an automatic disqualification!
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February 27, 2011 at 5:07 pm
You horror enthusiasts are so naive. How do you think “little zombies” are made? (Spoiler alert: They’re not found in a cabbage patch.)
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February 27, 2011 at 7:11 pm
{Stunned silence}
Really?
Hmmm… Where was that story posted again?
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