ZOMBIE WARS!!! Round Three: MR. CORPSE vs. PET SEMATARY


Uh-oh! For Round Three, The Sinister Mr. Corpse is up against Pet Sematary, one of the scariest books ever written, arguably the finest work by a guy who has created some of the most iconic images in the history of the horror genre. Not to mention that I have been a finalist for the Bram Stoker Award twice, and both times I was defeated by Stephen King.

However, the Bram Stoker Award is decided by others, while ZOMBIE WARS!!! is decided by me. So sorry, Mr. King, but victory goes to The Sinister Mr. Corpse!

In Pet Sematary Stephen King kills a cat and a little kid. What kind of morally reprehensible person kills a cat and a kid? Now, you may be saying “But in Pressure didn’t you–?” but I will quickly interrupt. You like cats, right? LOLCats have added merriment to many an otherwise gloomy day. But, oh, that grouchy old Stephen King, he wants your cat to DIE, and then come back as some creepy “I Can Haz Human Flesh?” zombie cat. I’m not saying that if Stephen King were in your house right now he’d step on your cat, but…actually, I take that back. He would. Stephen King would totally step on your poor cat, just to watch its fur darken with blood.

Do you know how many cats die in The Sinister Mr. Corpse? None. Not a single one. Mr. Corpse is an all-human death zone (excluding one fish) and almost everybody who dies is over the age of eighteen. No little kids perish on MY watch.

Also, look at this silly cover:

So, yeah, Pet Sematary may be a masterpiece, but it doesn’t have one-tenth of the jolly fun you’ll find in my book.

OFFICIAL RULING: The Sinister Mr. Corpse for the win.


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6 Responses to “ZOMBIE WARS!!! Round Three: MR. CORPSE vs. PET SEMATARY”

  1. Eric Says:

    I have to say, I’m enjoying your Zombie Wars! And now that I know you seem to prefer cats to humans (or at least writing about humans getting killed more than nice little kitties), I am becoming an even bigger fan of yours (although maybe I shouldn’t admit that – I’m not sure what it says about me)!

    Anyway, keep up the fun Zombie Wars! You have almost convinced me to buy The Sinister Mr. Corpse!

    Like

  2. J.A. Konrath Says:

    Maybe it’s me, but I’m detecting a bit of bias.

    Like

  3. Kyle L. Says:

    Bias? Jeff knows nothing of that word. It’s not even in his Oxford Dictionary. 🙂

    Like


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