Well, today is my birthday. But don’t get me a gift. No, really…I know you think you should, but I already have everything I need. Except a pony. I can’t let you buy me a pony, though, because you’d probably get the wrong color, and then I’d have to paint the pony, and you don’t want a painted pony on your conscience.
Instead, why don’t you buy YOURSELF a present on my birthday? I know, I know, it’s insane, but I insist that you click on THIS LINK and then go on a crazed shopping spree. Fill that online shopping cart. You deserve it.