Adventures in Failed Social Media Posts

Every once in a while I’ll post a joke on Facebook and/or Twitter that I think is obviously a joke, but then I’ll get sincere responses. Then I’ll wonder if it’s MY fault, if the joke just doesn’t work, or if it’s THEIR fault. Usually I decide it’s their fault.

Here’s today’s post. Was it obviously shared in jest? YOU decide!

“How do you get rid of an unwanted friend? Asking for a friend.”

The Force Awakens – RIPOFF!!!

I saw The Force Awakens on opening night, but it took me this long to come to terms with the fact that it’s a shameless ripoff of A New Hope. Here are the ways:

1 – Both movies open with the name Star Wars in the exact same font! And it’s a weird font, so no way is this a coincidence. Plus it’s the exact same music! Did they think we wouldn’t notice? Most damning, The Force Awakens has the same kind of slanted words that go off into space, like the person responsible for scrolling the text put it on crooked. Lame.

2 – Both movies have a gold robot. Sorry, but giving him a red arm doesn’t constitute originality. They didn’t even try to make the voice sound different! C’mon, J.J., you had to have been paid well–why not try to earn it?

3 – The Force Awakens has this orange-and-white rolly-ball robot. I’m pretty sure he was in A New Hope. Am I remembering wrong? Was it The Empire Strikes Back? Maybe I should do some research–ha ha, just kidding! Internet outrage backed up by facts is for squares.

4 – Everyone dies at the end of both movies. Both times, I thought it was needlessly nihilistic for a film aimed at mainstream audiences.

5 – Both films squander the opportunity to have a character actually say the phrase “star wars” and then give a knowing look to the camera. WTF?

6 – The Force Awakens takes place in outer space, while A New Hope takes place in Dallas, but A New Hope has several scenes where the characters discuss how cool it would be to live in space. Coincidence? Okay…maybe. I’ll cut them some slack on that one.

7 – if u like starwars ur so dumb lol!!!!!!!!

8 – Both films feature parentage as a major theme, which is totally unrealistic.

9 – Both films have Harrison Ford pretending that he understands what that gorilla is saying. If it talked in sign language like Koko, I’d buy it, but no way can anybody decipher that gibberish. Why would J.J. rip off that part? Rule of thumb: If you’re ripping off somebody else’s hard work, pick and choose the elements you steal. Leave out the gorilla.

10 – Aside from those things above, the two films are pretty different.

Freezer Begins

So I’ve started a new novella called Freezer. Suspense/horror with a generous helping of dark comedy.

I often get asked if I outline my books or not, and the answer is: “Sometimes.” I usually only outline if the editor makes me, as with DwellerOtherwise, I just like to have a general idea of where things are headed.

Freezer has a lot of characters for a book that’ll probably only be about 20,000 words, so I decided that this time I’d better do a little more advance planning. I wrote a detailed outline of a little more than half of the book, along with a couple of lines about each character. The outline ends on a cliffhanger and I’ll figure things out when I get there.

 

Pointy Canes

Christmas 2015 is over…but there’s plenty of time to anticipate Christmas 2016! Get in the holiday spirit with the anthology Christmas Horror, published by Dark Regions Press and illustrated by Zach McCain.

Pointy Canes Art

Acquire your copy HERE

Welcome to 2016!

Five days late…

Well, the end of 2015 threw me a nice big curveball. I ended up spending quite a while hanging out in a hospital in Anchorage, Alaska, where after bouncing back and forth from “Things are going to be okay!” “Things suck!” “Things are going to be okay!” “Things suck!” my dad, in the end, didn’t make it.

This meant that my novel The Odyssey of Harriett spent a ridiculous amount of time being “almost done” before it became “done.” But it’s done now and off to my agent. Finally!!!

Now I can focus on other projects. There are going to be a lot of them. The scary deadlines are everywhere. There’ll be another YA comedy. An adult horror novel. A horror novella. Another horror novella. Stay tuned!

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