West Virginia Trip Report, Part 2!

FRIDAY (Continued)

With the television interview complete and hot dogs consumed, it was time to just chill out at the hotel for a while, because we had a long evening of haunted houses planned! The first stop for me, Lynne Hansen, Bridgett Nelson, and Jeremy Megargee was Fallsburg Fearplex, which has four different haunts. Normally I’m not a fan of the “pay extra to skip the lines” model, being a cheap bastard, but we only had a five-hour window to work with, so we bought the fast-passes and got to cruise through all of the awesome haunted houses back to back.

We posed for some photos and utterly failed at the game of “toss the brain into the open cranium.” And we made a large bony new friend.

Then we were off to the next haunted house, Twelvepole Manor. The drive there involved a long winding spooky road. It had a speed limit of 55 MPH, but I’m not sure how anybody could maintain that speed without careening off the road and plummeting into parts dark and unknown.

Our arrival was kind of eerie because you parked at the top of a hill, and when you looked down you were clearly in the right place but it looked abandoned. Presumably the online reviews would have noted if Twelvepole Manor was merely a front for kidnapping and torturing the guests, but we didn’t have a great feeling about it. Fortunately, as we headed down the hill we saw a large group of smiling happy people emerging, and we could relax in the knowledge that we probably wouldn’t be appearing on any menus.

The haunted house was great, and we got deep fried Oreos afterward. Bridgett had never tried them, and now her life is much richer.

Two for two! Fear on the Farm was an hour away, but it came highly recommended, so we drove to that one. Why, it could be the best one yet! The highlight of the trip! The greatest haunted house we’d ever walked through! So amazing that we might never want to leave!

Pretty much as soon as you walk into the haunted house, you have to get down on your hands and knees and crawl through a tunnel. It had been raining most of the day and there was a lot of mud, so it wasn’t the most pleasant experience. Later, you had to crawl through a hearse, through which a great many wet and muddy people had crawled. At one point, a guy waved a horse’s head on a stick in our faces and said we couldn’t pass until we kissed the horse head. We wouldn’t want to be the 937th person to kiss the horse head under normal circumstances, and we’re still kind of, y’know, in a pandemic. We made it very clear that we would not be kissing any horse heads that evening and were finally allowed to pass.

We returned to the car in reeking clothing but made it a point not to blame anybody for this adventure, except Bridgett, since it was all her fault.


Mothman Museum! Woooooo!!! Here we were joined by author Damien Casey.

The gift shop alone would’ve been worth the trip, but the museum was also a lot of fun. Outside, we posed for a picture with the famous Mothman statue. You can’t see it in this picture, but the Mothman has a remarkable ass. You can’t help but wonder about his exercise regimen.

We walked over to the place that had Mothman-themed ice cream sundaes…and it was closed! We wailed in misery! It wasn’t fair! As we wept and consoled each other, Damien said that there was a place called I Scream Sundaes about half an hour away. We had time. We leapt into the car and sped off.

I Scream Sundaes is a horror-themed ice cream place that has a gigantic selection of movie-inspired sundaes. So there’s a Killer Klowns From Outer Space sundae with candy and popcorn and bubblegum, Sharknado, Cabin in the Woods, and many, many more. I got the Texas Chainsaw Massacre sundae that had strawberry ice cream and doughnuts. If this place was local, I’d weigh 850 pounds.

After showering praise upon Damien for his exquisite recommendation, we staggered out of there, full of sundaes, and returned to the hotel to prepare for the main attraction: our event at the Haunted Majestic. Yes, there’s much more of the Saturday report to come!

To be continued…

Part Three link: https://jeffstrand.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/west-virginia-trip-report-part-3/

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