You can e-mail me at JeffStrandAuthor AT

I do not have a literary agent, so all book-related queries can go to me. However, all queries about film and television rights can go to Michael Keyes at Against The Grain Entertainment. michael AT againstthegrain-ent DOT com

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If you’re looking to put on a spooky mask, break into my house in the middle of the night, approach my bed, and go “RRRROOOOWWWWRRRRRRgrrrrrrowllll!!!!!!” while waving a garden implement, e-mail me for directions.

36 Responses to “CONTACT”

  1. Brent Says:

    Hi my name is Brent I live in seminole and i work at tyrone square mall at the game stop (727-341-2991) give me a call ill hook you up with some Wiis Wii fits anything thats hard to find ill make it happen i have always wanted to meet a author (since I cant meet Brian Keene ill settle for you hehehe) anyway the real reason Iam emailing you is id like a copy of Secret Message to decode and would like to know why you decided to merge comedy and horror.

    Thanks in advance Brent

    P.S Common Sense is a EPIC!!! story really scholars shall be studying this when they reconize your genuis

    P.P.S Your email doesnt work anymore


  2. Marlena Says:

    Hey! I just finished Dweller. I loved it! I would have liked a happier ending of course lol. I haven’t read anything like that before, great stuff. I have also read Pressure and that was great too. I live in Riverview, nice to know we have a great author in the area. Keep up the good work and I will continue to read it. In the meantime I plan on getting some of your other stuff I am sure I won’t be disappointed.


  3. Rue Jackson Says:

    Just finished Dweller and it is one of the best books I’ve read in quite a while. I loved it!! I’m a member of the Horror Book Club and get 2 books a month and can say that this is about the best book I’ve got from them in quite some time. It was a page turner and there was absolutely no waste of words in it. I’m looking forward to the next one and will be reading more books written by Jeff Strand. I give Dweller an A++.


  4. Celeste Says:

    Mr. Strand,

    I was in Borders today when I came across your novel “Dweller”. It wasn’t the name that caught my attention but the cover made me reach for the book and read the description. Maybe it was the journey of how the outcast became friends with the monster that hooked me (I read it in three hours) but I really enjoyed this book. The ending was sad, I cried and I loved it.



  5. Kyle L. Says:

    Hi Jeff, we’ll see if you see this instead of me using that silly thing called email. Love your books, read everything I can get my hands on, including Disposal, the Mayhem series, Pressure, Dweller, Benjamins Parasite, Wolf Hunt, well, you get the idea. Just wanted to pass along a note that you’re an awesome author, and that you should either do appearances sometime in Seattle (hint hint, and I’ll even make it sunny for you), or go to the World Horror Convention in Texas, it’d be awesome to finally meet the man behind the madness!


    • jeffstrand Says:

      Thanks, Kyle! The last time I was in Seattle it was cold, cold, cold, so the fact that you can control the weather is a definite selling point. Though I’m definitely going to the Bram Stoker Awards banquet in Long Island next year, the World Horror Convention is not yet a guarantee. I’m HOPING to go, and if I end up doing a second convention in 2011 it’ll be that one, but we shall see…


  6. Kyle L. Says:

    That’d be awesome if you made it! Well, you always know you have a fan up here in the Northwest, regardless 🙂


  7. Scott David Reynolds Says:

    It’s a nightmare trying to start writing when my style as been so similar since at least a decade ago. I have proof dammit. The real proof however will come when I best you, T. Pratchett and F.P.W (ok ok, and Joe Konrath just to keep feelings from being hurt) in a single novel, which is nearing completion (read: 6 mo to 2 or 3 years) will literally cause kindles to bleed out battery acid in the night and you, my awesome author, to hang yourself from a birdhouse. (the kind with tall poles, otherwise it doesn’t make that much sense… also, hope you can climb) -SD Reynolds


    • Scott David Reynolds Says:

      And I’ll admit it, I stole the single character through multiple POV/Chapters from the ant rodeo scene from Mandibles.


  8. Gary Smith Says:


    What would a huge increase in relevant traffic mean for your business? If I could greatly increase the amount of customers who are interested in your products and services, wouldn’t you be interested.

    In order for us to respond to your request for information, please include your company’s website address (mandatory) and /or phone number.

    Gary Smith
    SEO – Link Building – Copyright – Web Designing – PHP


    • Scott David Reynolds Says:

      Get rich off of shitty authors. Jeff Strand sells himself through quality, not promotions, scams and gimmicks.


      • adrianbaldwin Says:

        Hear, hear! And all those shitty authors can seriously get in the way of decent writers, like me and my good friend, Jeff (what? we’ve exchanged messages!) getting the notice they deserve! … And now I really must stop reading Jeff’s blogs and get on with some work.


  9. Matthew Says:

    Good Evening Jeff!

    I’m currently working on my B.A w/a concentration in creative writing which I hope will eventually lead to my M.F.A degree in creative writing. My plan is to teach writing at the community college level, however if that plan falls through, would you be willing to offer any tips to a “fledgling” author? Also, I probably already know the answer to this, but would you be willing to read the first two pages of my manuscript and let me know what you think? I look forward to reading more of your work! Thank you for your time.




  10. Scott David Reynolds Says:

    Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Due to the fact the Kindle versions of the Andrew Mayhem series were not available until recently I hadn’t been able to acquire them. (If I mail order items I go insane refreshing shipping info) so I ended up reading all four in a two day span last weekend while “primitive camping” (bless the basic kindle battery life)

    I’ve read everything available without paying a grand for a photocopied fanzine or outright stealing Jeff’s books and doing the whole Mayhem series at once with no distractions? My god.Shock and child-like awe.

    The only compliment that I can pay you is laying my head down on the chopping block and letting you go at it. I hope you realize sick, twisted puppies (my kids, kids, kids) will still be enjoying your bad-ass literature long after both you and I are worm food.

    Thanks for an amazing weekend in nature, ignoring nature in lieu of your books,

    -Scott “Still Not F**king Published but Happy to Still be Writing” Reynolds


    • jeffstrand Says:

      Thanks, Scott! Now you’ve got me in the mood to go primitive camping with my Kindle…although I’ll probably read somebody else’s books instead of the Mayhem series…


  11. Joe Audino Says:

    The funniest thing i have read was the scene where the toilet was blocked, from the first appearance of Headhunter. I have never laughed so long and hard in my life. Thank you for some really great books.


    • jeffstrand Says:

      Thanks, Joe! There is nothing more horrifying than flushing a toilet and having the water rise instead of fall.


  12. Bonnie Says:

    Okay, I’ve fulfilled my moral obligation to visit your website within 15 minutes (per your Author bio in Blood Lite II: Aftertaste) this afternoon. I really enjoyed touring your webpage. I plan to follow up and read “Fangboy” and “Single White Psychopath Seeks Same” .. and your latest book (soon as I figure out which one that is). Nice to “meetcha” (sorta) .. Bonnie J.


    • jeffstrand Says:

      Thanks, Bonnie! I feel bad that you visited my website within 15 minutes but I took, like, three weeks to respond to the comment. Blame the World Horror Convention!


  13. Adrian Baldwin Says:


    I understand from Becki, of Becki’s Book Blog fame, that you emailed her to say you intend to read my novel, BARNACLE BRAT (a Dark Comedy for Grown-Ups), after seeing the kick-ass review she gave my book on there …

    Well, let me tell you, Jeff Strand, that such blatant one-upmanship will not be tolerated – and as such, I have rushed over to Amazon and bought a copy of Dead Clown Barbecue; so there! How do you like those apples?

    Yours, Adrian Baldwin – Indie Author

    PS: Loving your website, by the way! (Funniest Bio I’ve read in ages.) But don’t be rushing over to hoping to compliment me on mine because I said it first!


    • jeffstrand Says:

      I guess the next step is for me to show up at your house to demand a live reading of your fine novel. I’ll try to call ahead, but I’m a busy guy, so start practicing different voices now!


      • adrianbaldwin Says:

        Oh yeah? Well I’ve already started reading DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE, so take that! And my early favourites are Comeuppance, The Apocalypse Ain’t So Bad and The Bell From Hell – or, in other words, pretty much everything I’ve read so far! So yeah, out of the two of us, let me be the first to congratulate YOU! (Ha, I win again! This is getting too easy.)

        *Also, I think The Apocalypse Ain’t So Bad would make a great movie – a kind of The Omega Man: Always Look On The Bright Side – so in your face a second time, Jeff Strand.

        By the way, before you get to reading BARNACLE BRAT and start with the ‘Hey, isn’t it a coincidence that we both like to write about protagonists who are clearly a bit bonkers,’ can I just say, ‘Yes, that is a complete coincidence, actually! What are you trying to infer?’

        For your information, I only became a fan of yours quite recently – well after Barnacle Brat was written – so in no way could I have thought, three years ago, ‘Hey, why don’t I write about a protagonist who is losing his marbles like Jeff Strand, who I don’t yet know about, often does?’

        If anything, the obvious explanation is that I happen to write like that because I sometimes lose touch with reality, regularly hear voices (don’t all writers?), and occasionally have the odd vision! So there, Jeff Strand – one of my NEW favourite authors – stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

        Yours sincerely, Adrian Baldwin – Author

        PS Yes, this is a shameless plug; get over it:


  14. Kimberly Garner Says:

    I like a sick, sarcastic, and warped sense of humor. You sound like a real catch! How is it you’re not a married man? I am from Ohio too. Went to Westlake High School (home of the demons…now there’s a school mascot for you, eh?) and graduated in 1987, so we are almost kindred spirits! I try to avoid novels, novellas, short stories, and that box with the moving pictures, if they contain words of the four letter variety. Which is how I came into contact with “I Have a Bad Feeling About This”. No, I’m not a prude, but swearing just degrades a novel worth reading, or a movie/TV show worth watching, into a verbal slop-fest. Actually, I’m not sure why books don’t have a rating system like movies, video games, and TV shows. You can’t judge a book by it’s cover, and I’m often flummoxed by a seemingly “safe” library book cover and description, only to be bombarded by cuss words a few pages in. So, long story short, I found “I Have a Bad Feeling…” in the young adult section of my local library and was tickled by it. Obviously, perusing the covers of some of your other works, like “Sex Potion “147”, I won’t be reading everything you’ve published. Could you direct me to some of your other material that would be considered PG-13? Much appreciated and continued success!


  15. jeffstrand Says:

    Hi, Kimberly! My novel FANGBOY is sick, sarcastic, and warped, but contains no cursing. Also, my other YA novel, A BAD DAY FOR VOODOO, has only a PG-level of language–gore a-plenty, but no sex or profanity! Enjoy! 🙂


  16. Adrian Baldwin Says:

    Okay, so here’s an update: I have now finished DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE! (What do you mean ‘That took a while’? I’ve been busy working on my second novel! Jeez, give me a break. Bet you haven’t even started BARNACLE BRAT yet – even though you promised! You did promise, right?)

    Is that Three Nil to me? I think it might be.

    So what did I think of it? Well, prepare to gloat, Jeff Strand (something I know you like to do, but I’ll come back to that*), because I thought it was really rather good. Which is British for ‘Hell, yeah, I enjoyed it!’

    I think my favourite was Dummy – and not just because there’s a ventriloquist dummy in my own novel (or ventriloquist ‘mannequin’ as Archie prefers to be called). I would love to have seen what happened to Wally after the story ended. Perhaps he’ll feature in another adventure? Hope so. And if you’re shouting ‘He already does, dummy!’ at the screen then I’m sorry; this is the first book of yours I’ve read** – so far. (I’ll come back to that as well.)

    Thought the opening with the hooker was a great hook, too. (No pun intended; no, really!) Any story with hookers and a ventriloquist dummy has to be worth a read. They freak me out as much as clowns. The dummies, I mean, not the hookers. And for the record, I’ve never had any dealings with hookers. (Yeah, yeah, there are some hookers in Barnacle Brat but they are entirely fictional. And anyone who says different is a liar!)

    Sorry, where was I? Oh yes … in fact, there were so many great stories in Dead Clown Barbecue that I feel obliged to head over to Amazon from whence it came and leave you a 5 star review (Can’t believe 4 people left you a 1 star review! Why do some people buy Dark Humour if they clearly don’t get it? Glad to see they are a tiny minority with most voting 4 or 5 stars.)

    **Okay, so now that I’ve read a collection of your short stories, I feel like I’m ready for one of your novels. Do you have any suggestions? Which would you say was your favourite? Or the most unputdownable? Yes, that’s a real word; I checked. Or the funniest? (And someone behind me has just asked if any of your novels have hookers in them but I’m not going to ask that in case you think it’s me asking!)

    *And now for the gloating: So check out Fangboy getting all cocky. Telling other novels in Dark Comedy to ‘suck it’ just because he hit the Amazon Kindle bestsellers list in the category of Literature & Fiction > Humor & Satire > Dark Comedy. I say ‘just because’, though it is actually quite a feat. Well done and all that … but there’s no need to rub it in Barnacle Brat’s face! In fact, tell Fangboy that Barnacle Brat is gunning for his crown so he better watch his back!***

    Disclaimer: ***Please note: gaining the Dark Comedy crown make take several years, book sales can go down as well as up, all opinions expressed are solely those of the author, and anything he’s blathered on about should not be construed as a contract, legally-binding or any of that legal stuff.

    Yours sincerely, Adrian Baldwin – Author

    PS Unlike Kimberly Garner who commented that she has an aversion to cuss words (especially the four-letter variety) and will only read your PG material, I say Bring it on, you big ******-*******! (I’ve tactfully censored ‘mother-flipper’ so as not to offend.)


  17. Adrian Baldwin Says:

    Okay, I’ll admit it took me a while but lay off, Jeff, like I said above, I’ve been busy, okay? Anyway, I have now left you a glowing 5 star review on amazon ( for DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE – as you can witness here: … and it’s a ‘Verified Purchase’ and they’re the best ones!

    And in the spirit of transatlantic cross-promotion and fellow author-type reciprocation, should you ever get time to read BARNACLE BRAT (A DARK COMEDY FOR GROWN-UPS), I would love to read your review of my work – unless it’s overly harsh in a negative way, in which case I’d rather you didn’t spoil my current run of all 5 star reviews. (That’s me gloating a little.) Yes, I know I’ve only got half a dozen reviews or so (over the various Amazon sites) compared to your impressive tally but it’s still pretty good, isn’t it? Okay, I’ll admit it’s not that great – but it’s a start, at least.

    So go on, give a fellow writer a break – you know I love ya really! All the other stuff was just kidding around. You got that right? 🙂

    All the best,

    PS I really would like your recommendation on which of your novels to read first. That wasn’t a joke! 🙂 So, how about it?


    • jeffstrand Says:

      Thank you, sir! For a sicko like you, I’d say to start with BENJAMIN’S PARASITE, but that’s currently (and temporarily) unavailable, so I’m going to say to go with WOLF HUNT.

      As soon as I finish my current book and can breathe again, I shall dive right into BARNACLE BRAT!


      • Adrian Baldwin Says:

        No, thank you!

        I really like the sound of BENJAMIN’S PARASITE so I’m going to see if I can locate a copy using the power of the Interweb. But rest assured if I can’t track one down, I will turn to one of your others.

        WOLF HUNT sounds like fun – in a weird way – which is how I like it (thanks for the recommendation) but for some reason I am finding myself strangely drawn to SINGLE WHITE PSYCHOPATH SEEKS SAME so I might try that first. Or maybe I’ll read both at the same time: a kind of wacky mash-up. No, I’m kidding, that would crazy!

        I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts on BARNACLE BRAT, thanks for giving it a go. As a dark comedy for grown-ups, I think it’ll tickle your fancy, as they say.

        Right, I really must crack on with book 2: STANLEY McCLOUD MUST DIE! if I’m ever to catch up with your prodigious output. Hey, how about slowing up and giving someone else a chance! Some might say over 200 short stories and in excess of 50 novels (and still going) is just showing off but I say – no, hang on, sorry, I might have miscounted there. Don’t know how that happened. Perhaps I was thinking of Stephen King. Damn, now I’ve just made myself look stupid! If only there was someway to go back and delete stuff. Oh well.


  18. Jackie Says:

    Man, ur books are freaking awesome! I just finished BenJamin’s Parasite , next is Facial. Already read Kumquat, Dweller and Cyclops Road. I truly love your writing style! I love the cussing, sex talk and just plain weird ass shit! Did I mention that I liked the sex parts? Keep pumping out the stories and I’ll keep buying them. U freaking ROCK!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Rosa Says:

    Loved,loved,loved Dweller, I cried at the end, great read !


  20. timacarterhotmailcom Says:

    Hello- I saw the artwork for a book called Creep Out but can’t find it listed. Is it forthcoming?


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