Big Ol’ Meanie

In an effort to get myself organized for 2010, I made up a list of manuscripts that I’m reading for other authors, either for a blurb that will destroy their credibility, or feedback that they’ll be wise to ignore. There are a LOT of them. And I’m really, REALLY far behind. It’s embarrassing.

I’m not just ridiculously far behind on reading. There’s stuff (like John Little’s THE GRAY ZONE) that I read weeks ago and loved and haven’t posted about yet. I suck.

Therefore, until further notice, I’m not reading any more manuscripts. Though it seems kinda self-indulgent to announce this to everybody (“Ooooooh! I’m so much in demand that I can’t handle the blurb workload!”) I figure I can direct people who make future requests to this post and they’ll know that I’m not just being a jerk to them personally.

If this doesn’t apply to you, you know who you are.

Spam Spam Spam Spam!

So my e-mail account got hacked, causing me to send out hundreds of e-mails telling people about this awesome website where you can buy laptops, phones, TV, and other assorted goodies.

You’d think that if the bastards can get into people’s e-mail accounts, that they’d take the extra step and hire a proofreader. A message like “They have good reputation and have many good feedbacks. If you need these products, look at this website will be a clever choice. I am sure you will get many surprise and benefits” is not going to get people to click the dastardly link.

Single White Psychopath Auf Deutsch

Here’s the cover to the German-language edition of SINGLE WHITE PSYCHOPATH SEEKS SAME!

Leather! Leather! Leather!

C’mon, admit it…you LOVE the feel of leather against your skin. Well, what better way to indulge this fetish than by purchasing a copy of the leather-bound edition of Benjamin’s Parasite?  You can spend hours and hours in the privacy of your own home, forcing this book to pleasure you in ways you never imagined. It’s a little demented, but I promise that nobody will judge you.

https://www.horror-mall.com/deliriumbooks/product.php?productid=19548&cat=0&page=1&featured

Leisure Books Fresh Blood Finalists!

Congratulations to the Top 10 finalists in the Leisure Books Fresh Blood competition:

Aaron Dries–Disunity

J.G. Faherty–The Burning Time

Jonathan Janz–The Sorrows

Brian Johnson–Hell to Pay

Lisa A. Koosis–Heart of the City

Mike Lamb–Jack’s Inferno Volume One

Sean Logan–Breed

Sean McLachlan–A Fine Likeness

Felicity Reid–Summer Cottage

Robert Stevens–The Balderdash Lowdown

Over the next few months, these authors will compete in various categories (such as “scariest scene”) and voters will choose their favorites, American Idol-style, with the winner receiving a publishing contract from Leisure Books (in paperback) and Chiaroscuro (in hardcover).

Also in the vein of American Idol, there will be guest judges, including…muahahahahahaha…me. Will I have the cold-hearted brutality of Simon Cowell? The incoherent, mildly creepy fawning of Paula Abdul? The glasses of Randy Jackson?

The contest goes live in mid-January. Find out more right here: http://www.dorchesterpub.com/Dorch/SpecialFeatures.cfm?ID=2757

How to Find Happiness as a Florida Resident

From recent personal experience, here’s my official Complete Guide To Finding Happiness as a Florida Resident:

1. Visit Indiana in December.

No further steps are necessary.

Stuff Your Stockings With PRESSURE!

Looking for the ULTIMATE stocking stuffer? Now you can get Pressure for $2.99, with delivery by Christmas if you order by December 16th! At that price, you might as well burn the copy you already own and buy another one!

Click Here To End All Of Your Holiday-Shopping Stress!

Moment of Sheer Horror

I checked Rotten Tomatoes today, and it linked to a news story headlined “Jack Black Gets Re-Animated.”

My immediate thought: Noooooooo! Jack Black is going to play Herbert West in a remake of Re-Animator! Nooooooo! Nooooooo! Noooooooooooooooo!!! Oh, God, why??? WHY?!?!?!?!?!?

But, no, the article was just about how he’s going to lend his voice to another animated film.

Crisis averted.

KUTTER: The First Review!

Horror World has posted the first review of my novella Kutter, and had many kind things to say:

http://www.horrorworld.org/reviews.htm

The review is insanely enthusiastic, and throws around words like “masterpiece” and phrases like “his most refined and compelling piece of writing published to date.” But I particularly liked this part:

“Strand manages to realistically convey the therapeutic and even redemptive power that owning a pet can have upon any human being, even the most seemingly evil and unredemptive of our species.”

Right now, the only edition you can get is the $250 ultra-super-deluxe-yowza edition (which is going bye-bye any minute now, so order quick!), but keep watching this page…….

http://www.horror-mall.com/KUTTER-by-Jeff-Strand-Lettered-Edition-p-19541.html

Dweller Stuff

This isn’t really a copy of DWELLER. It’s the glossy cover flat, folded into a book-like shape. Look at those shiny gold letters!