Welcome to my website! Whether you were brought here by interest in my work or a Google search gone terribly wrong, I encourage you to hang around and start clicking away!
The long-awaited fifth installment of the Andrew Mayhem series, Cemetery Closing (Everything Must Go) is now available in a Kindle and paperback edition! And the first four books of the series are available in brand new paperback editions!
(P.S.: People who leave reviews on Amazon deserve great big hugs!)
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Subscribe to my bi-weekly newsletter at MailChimp! A brand new story in every issue!
With the changes to WordPress (which I currently despise but will presumably get used to and eventually decide I can’t live without), my link to Bang Up brought up this nice handy image of the cover with links to buy it, share it, or read a free sample, but the “New Post” notification e-mail didn’t include that. I basically just told you that Bang Up is free and then abandoned you without a link.
So for those of you who don’t read these blog posts directly from my website, I’m sending another one that lets you know that because today is going to be a stressful day, my goofy smut comedy Bang Up is free and you can get it HERE.
Today is going to be a stressful day. If you need something to read in a long voting line or to take your mind off things for a while, my goofy smut comedy Bang Up is free.
This weekend you can see Mindy Has To Die for free and Hostile not for free!
Mindy Has To Die, the feature film version of my book Stalking You Now, is playing this weekend at the 4th annual Anatomy Crime & Horror International Film Festival in Greece. But you don’t have to be in Greece, because it’s virtual! You just have to reserve a ticket on the Facebook event page HERE. This will give you access to an online screener of the movie this weekend only.l
Meanwhile, today (October 29th) only, if you contribute to the Indiegogo campaign for director Brett Kelly’s Galaxy Warriors at any level, you’ll get a link to see Hostile, the short horror/comedy film I wrote. Visit the campaign page HERE.
Hey, it’s Lynne Hansen’s cover for my upcoming short story collection, Candy Coated Madness.
It’ll be out soon. I don’t have a specific definition for “soon” yet, but…soon.
As I posted yesterday, I’m putting together my fourth collection of short stories. (I don’t count Dead Clown Barbecue Expansion Pack.)
The story selection process is generally pretty easy. With my first collection, Gleefully Macabre Tales, I had to decide if there were some stories that I should just let go, and stories like “A Tender Campfire Tale” and “Paybacks Are Hell” ended up not making the cut.
With the fourth (currently untitled) collection, it mostly just came down to “What stories have I written since Everything Has Teeth that my contracts allow me to reprint now?” With some exceptions…
So what IS included? I’m going to add at least a couple of brand-new unpublished stories to this, but right now it’s…
Captain Pistachio’s Charming Rampage
The Last Thing You Want To Be
Lab Experiment Turf War
Clyde the Necrophile
Don’t Make Fun of the Haunted House
Ivan’s Night Out
Giant Mutant Cockroaches in the Old West Vs. Zombies
The Great Stone Face Vs. The Gargoyles
The Things Whittier Couldn’t Do
Beware! The! Beverage!
Gave Up The Ghost
My Werewolf Neighbor
I have this spreadsheet called “Collection Four” where I log all of my post-Everything Has Teeth short stories. (There’s a separate section for the flash fiction that appears in my newsletter; those will eventually be compiled into their own book.)
I knew I had more than enough material for a fourth book, but when you sell a story there’s almost always an exclusive contractual period where it can only appear in that publication. Brewtality was just published, so I obviously can’t go around trying to reprint “Pink Passion.” My story “Devil Powered Death Train of Doom” hasn’t even been published for the first time yet.
But, upon pulling up some contracts, I was surprised to discover that I’ve got the rights back to enough stories to fill a full-length book!
I still need a title, an introduction, story notes, and as with Gleefully Macabre Tales, Dead Clown Barbecue, and Everything Has Teeth, I’ll write at least a couple of brand-new stories, too. But sometime before Halloween, look for Currently Untitled Short Story Collection by Jeff Strand.
I’ll share the tentative table of contents tomorrow.
People ask all the time if they can buy autographed books from me directly. My answer is usually “No!” because I SUCK at mailing stuff out and I don’t want people to yell at me. But now, for the month of October only, my answer is: Okay, fine!
Yes, you’ll be able to order signed paperback copies of any book that is currently available! But first, a great big disclaimer:
I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO PLACE THE ORDER FOR THE COPIES OF THESE BOOKS FOR AT LEAST TWO WEEKS.
All of my events from March 2020 onward were cancelled. Therefore, especially with my recent releases, there’s been no reason for me to have extra books on hand. What am I going to do with a bunch of Autumn Bleeds Into Winter copies? I’ve already read it. (It’s quite good.) Instead of trying to estimate the demand for this offer, I’ve decided to just go with the all-caps disclaimer above, followed by another one:
TO REPEAT, YOU ARE PROBABLY ORDERING BOOKS THAT I DO NOT HAVE IN MY POSSESSION YET. AND I WILL BE GOING WITH THE SLOW SHIPPING OPTION. IF YOU’RE TRYING TO GET A PRESENT IN TIME FOR YOUR COUSIN’S BIRTHDAY ON OCTOBER 29th, THIS IS NOT THE OFFER FOR YOU.
All books are $15 each, which includes Media Mail shipping. (See Q&A for details about non-USA orders.)
Here’s how it works. Send an e-mail to JeffStrandAuthor @ gmail.com (removing spaces, obviously) with the following information.
Then I’ll send you a PayPal invoice for $15 x the number of books you ordered.
After that, you will wait patiently until that magical day in November (POSSIBLY stretching into December, depending on demand and how long it takes my boxes of books to arrive) when I send you a tracking number.
Q: Can I order more than one copy of the same book?
A: Yes. If you want 20 flat-signed copies of My Pretties, go for it.
Q: Is this an ongoing offer?
A: Nope. On Halloween I’m going right back to being a whiner about not wanting to handle my own book orders.
Q: Can I request something specific for you to write in the book?
A: Sure, but I have veto power!
Q: What about non-USA people?
A: Yes, but the price will be higher (possibly significantly) and they won’t be mailed out until the very end of the process. What will happen is you’ll get an invoice for the books (knocked down to $13 USD each) and then a separate invoice for the exact cost of shipping sometime in the distant future.
Q: If I mail you my own copies of your books, will you sign them?
A: Yes. Obviously there’s no charge for that, but you’ll have to include a self-addressed stamped envelope for their return. E-mail me at the address above for details.
Q: What if I have other questions?
A: E-mail me at the address above.
The available books are…
A Bad Day For Voodoo
Autumn Bleeds Into Winter
Bring Her Back
Casket For Sale (Only Used Once)
Cemetery Closing (Everything Must Go)
Clowns Vs. Spiders
Everything Has Teeth
Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary)
How You Ruined My Life
I Have a Bad Feeling About This
Lost Homicidal Maniac (Answers to “Shirley”)
Single White Psychopath Seeks Same
Stranger Things Have Happened
The Greatest Zombie Movie Ever
The Haunted Forest Tour (signed only by me)
Wolf Hunt 2
Wolf Hunt 3
ALSO AVAILABLE: The Leisure Books mass market editions of Pressure and Dweller. They are in reasonably good condition, but there may be some minor dings, scratches, corner crinkles, or discoloration of the paper. I can’t order more, so this is “While supplies last.” $5 each. Please specify “Leisure Edition” so I know you aren’t ordering the trade paperback of Dweller.
A new issue of my newsletter goes out tomorrow. This time the story is “The Cat Who Was Super Smart For A Cat But Still Pretty Dumb By Human Standards.” The Pulitzer Prize has eluded me thus far, but with stories like this being released into the world, I don’t see how that can continue.