Brainjacked!

Whether you’re a regular guy or the Queen of England, sometimes you think to yourself “Y’know, I want to watch a movie where people willingly have holes drilled into their head.” It’s right that you should feel this way. Until recently, your options for this kind of thing have been limited to the unrated director’s cut of Remains of the Day…but no longer!

(Oh, the last time I was chatting with the queen, she said “Hey, don’t tell people about that time I was talking about wanting to see a movie where somebody willingly got a hole drilled into their head, okay? I’m not supposed to be into those kinds of movies, being dignified royalty and all.” And so I apologize for that last paragraph.)

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Brainjacked is now out on DVD. This is a movie where somebody rips open their own skull to get at their brain! I know, I know, you’re going “Gee, thanks for spoiling the skull-ripping-open moment, jerk!” but that happens in the very first scene!

Maybe you truly don’t like movies where people get holes drilled into their head. Fair enough. Then you’ll just have to settle for nudity. Yes, Brainjacked contains several naked bodies, some of them even writhing.

And, yes, if you’re going to be a total snobby wiener about it, Brainjacked also has a great story and thrilling action sequences. Quite honestly, it has everything you’ve ever wanted in a movie, except for talking CGI animals. You can find those elsewhere. But if you’re looking for splattery gore, bouncy nudity, awesome sci-fi action, and Joel Wynkoop, there’s really no other place to go besides Brainjacked.

Maybe you’re suspicious of my enthusiasm. “Why are you so keen to have us purchase a DVD of Brainjacked?” you may be wondering. “You must have some sort of financial interest in the project, or have directed it yourself while wearing an Andrew Allan mask!” Nope. The truth is, I spent about twelve hours on the set in rainy miserable weather in uncomfortable hobo clothes and the scum-slurping bastards cut my scene out of the movie. They claim there were continuity issues. Ha! I claim that my screen presence intimidated the filmmakers, despite the fact that I had no lines and didn’t even have my eyes open and was just lying on some stairs. In my heart, I want to say “F**k Brainjacked!” But I can say no such thing, because of the awesomeness of this movie.

For a scant $19.95, you can get the super-duper deluxe DVD, which includes the movie, the complete soundtrack, and a special set of Make-Your-Own-Brainjacked clips where you can improve upon the director’s creative vision.

If you’re over 18, click here: http://www.getbrainjacked.com/

If you’re under 18, enjoy your last remaining years of childhood with your innocence intact. Read The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (remembering that certain elements reflected the standards of the time but are very uncool today), enjoy some fresh lemonade, and don’t think about people getting their heads drilled open. There’s plenty of time for that later.

A Double Dose of Interview Action!

I have not one, not three, but TWO interview links to share!

The first, an interview at Buried.com, conducted by The Gravedigger, which I assume is his legal name.

http://www.buried.com/interviews/jeff-strand-author/285/

And while you’re there, it’s just a quick click to the Dweller review:

http://www.buried.com/fictionreviews/dweller-2010/594/

But maybe you want to read an interview conducted by somebody with a normal name, like “Laura.” In that case, Laura Long just did an interview with me at Sevier County News, and you can check it out right here:

http://www.seviercountynews.com/?p=13149

Woooooooolf Hunt!!!

I’m refraining from any comments on the current mess at Leisure Books until my own role in the wacky drama is finalized…although the fact that I’m using the word “mess” is probably a clue to my feelings about the situation. But whereas the Leisure edition of WOLF HUNT is a sticky web of uncertainty (except that Leisure has discontinued their entire mass market line, meaning there won’t be a $7.99 paperback edition), the super-deluxe hardcover limited edition is in the final stages of production, and available for pre-order NOW!

It’s a werewolf novel. A really dark, mean-spirited, and funny werewolf novel, about a couple of thugs-for-hire named George and Lou who are paid to drive a guy named Ivan in a cage across Florida. They’re told that he’s a werewolf in human form. (Spoiler: And he is.) Things are going fine until…well, actually things start going crappy even before he escapes, but George and Lou ultimately find themselves going on an action-packed werewolf hunt.

Carnage. Laughs. Savagery. Explosions. Blood. Dialogue. Wild transformations created by the CGI of your mind.

Limited to 100 numbered copies and 26 lettered copies. The lettered copies come with a hand-painted Ivan the Werewolf sculpture designed by Frank Wells! How freakin’ cool is that? Order NOW NOW NOW! Even if you don’t want to order the book, click the link to gaze upon the amazing sculpture.

http://www.darkregions.com/products/Wolfhunt-by-Jeff-Strand.html

The Reverend’s Powder

Several months ago, Erik Williams asked if I’d read his novelette The Reverend’s Powder. Despite my snotty policy of “I will no longer look at manuscripts for blurbs, introductions, or goofy website write-ups,” I said yes, because Erik is a cool guy and The Reverend’s Powder was short. I read it immediately and loved it, but there was no rush to write anything about it, since the book wasn’t available yet.

It went up for pre-order this week, so I glanced at the manuscript for a quick memory refresher…and ended up reading the whole thing all the way through again. It’s damn good stuff.

As with several other projects I’ve written about, you’re better off not knowing where this one is headed. I guess it’s okay to tell you that our narrator Matthew kidnaps Reverend Simms and straps him naked onto a metal dolly, and that the reverend killed his sister Laura, because that’s all in the first paragraph. And about three pages in we move back in time and discover that Laura has cancer, and that Reverend Simms is a miracle healer, and that Matthew thinks it’s all a scam…so on second thought, it’s perfectly fine to know most of where the book is headed.

But what happens when you’ve got a naked reverend strapped to a dolly? That can’t be good, right?

The Reverend’s Powder is a gripping little tale. I’d say “It grabs you from the first sentence and never lets you go!” but that’s kind of trite, so instead I’ll point out that I would say that if it weren’t so lame. If you’re the kind of person who would be offended by…well, everything I’ve written so far, you might want to give this one a pass, but for everybody else, it comes highly recommended.

Right now you can pre-order it as a combo pack with Fiona and Grams by the always-excellent Gene O’Neill, and it will be available separately once it’s ready to ship. Check it out right here:

https://www.horror-mall.com/sideshowpress/product.php?productid=21042&cat=0&page=1

RISEN!!!

Risen is a short film made by my friend Gregory Kurczynski. I’m putting “my friend” right up front, because my wife Lynne Hansen is also in the movie as a zombie rights advocate (and I may even have a secret cameo) so I don’t want you to think I’m trying to be all sneaky and stuff. But rest assured that if I was not legitimately enthused about Risen, I would come right out and say…….well, actually I would probably go all passive aggressive and keep making excuses and just not write about it here. But I am writing about it here. ‘Cuz it rocks.

First off, as soon as you read “zombie rights advocate,” you got the wrong impression of the movie’s tone. This is most definitely not a horror/comedy. Sure, there are some moments of humor, but this thing goes daaaaaark relatively quickly. The setup: Henry (Al Mauro) and Jenn (Jennifer Ward) are flirting in a bar, while a TV newscast discusses the fact that the dead have risen and are consuming people. It’s pretty clear that either Henry or Jenn is a mentally disturbed individual whose plan for the evening involves torture and/or murder, but we’re not sure which one, and so much of the fun of the first few minutes of Risen involves playing a “Who’s the Psycho?” guessing game. (The trailer gives it away, but I won’t here.)

Once the psycho is revealed, I can say that the movie does not involve hordes of zombies coming after anybody, although of course the living dead are a key element.

I thoroughly enjoyed the entire movie, although it had three truly standout visual moments. There’s a quick moment of violence that carries great impact, proving that what you don’t see can be more wince-inducing than what you do. And, later, there’s a moment of good old-fashioned gore–nothing we haven’t seen before, but it’s extremely well-done and should blow the roof off of any film festivals where this plays. And then there’s a moment where harm comes to a television set in a way that I have never seen before and will almost certainly never see again.

Even a film that’s only 23 minutes involves lots of blood, sweat, tears, sleepless nights, stomach cramps, and the tragedy of having to decline invitations to go do cool stuff on weekends. Risen is a worthy end result of complete mental and physical exhaustion. It’s a very well-made, intense, creepy little film.

Where can you see it? Nowhere yet, but as Halloween film festival season starts to crank into gear, I’d expect it to start showing up at quite a few places. To keep up with all the latest news, add “gkurczynski” as a Facebook friend.