Whether you’re a regular guy or the Queen of England, sometimes you think to yourself “Y’know, I want to watch a movie where people willingly have holes drilled into their head.” It’s right that you should feel this way. Until recently, your options for this kind of thing have been limited to the unrated director’s cut of Remains of the Day…but no longer!
(Oh, the last time I was chatting with the queen, she said “Hey, don’t tell people about that time I was talking about wanting to see a movie where somebody willingly got a hole drilled into their head, okay? I’m not supposed to be into those kinds of movies, being dignified royalty and all.” And so I apologize for that last paragraph.)
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Brainjacked is now out on DVD. This is a movie where somebody rips open their own skull to get at their brain! I know, I know, you’re going “Gee, thanks for spoiling the skull-ripping-open moment, jerk!” but that happens in the very first scene!
Maybe you truly don’t like movies where people get holes drilled into their head. Fair enough. Then you’ll just have to settle for nudity. Yes, Brainjacked contains several naked bodies, some of them even writhing.
And, yes, if you’re going to be a total snobby wiener about it, Brainjacked also has a great story and thrilling action sequences. Quite honestly, it has everything you’ve ever wanted in a movie, except for talking CGI animals. You can find those elsewhere. But if you’re looking for splattery gore, bouncy nudity, awesome sci-fi action, and Joel Wynkoop, there’s really no other place to go besides Brainjacked.
Maybe you’re suspicious of my enthusiasm. “Why are you so keen to have us purchase a DVD of Brainjacked?” you may be wondering. “You must have some sort of financial interest in the project, or have directed it yourself while wearing an Andrew Allan mask!” Nope. The truth is, I spent about twelve hours on the set in rainy miserable weather in uncomfortable hobo clothes and the scum-slurping bastards cut my scene out of the movie. They claim there were continuity issues. Ha! I claim that my screen presence intimidated the filmmakers, despite the fact that I had no lines and didn’t even have my eyes open and was just lying on some stairs. In my heart, I want to say “F**k Brainjacked!” But I can say no such thing, because of the awesomeness of this movie.
For a scant $19.95, you can get the super-duper deluxe DVD, which includes the movie, the complete soundtrack, and a special set of Make-Your-Own-Brainjacked clips where you can improve upon the director’s creative vision.
If you’re over 18, click here: http://www.getbrainjacked.com/
If you’re under 18, enjoy your last remaining years of childhood with your innocence intact. Read The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (remembering that certain elements reflected the standards of the time but are very uncool today), enjoy some fresh lemonade, and don’t think about people getting their heads drilled open. There’s plenty of time for that later.