What are you working on now?
A new thriller, set in Fairbanks, Alaska in 1979.
Are you high when you write your books? Because I’ll be honest, some of them seem like books somebody would write when they’re high.
My books are written exclusively on caffeine and sugar.
Is there going to be a paperback edition of the Dead Clown Barbecue Expansion Pack?
No. All of those stories except “Gave Up The Ghost” are in the paperback edition of Everything Has Teeth.
What’s going on with the Pressure movie?
Nothing. That incarnation of the project is dead. But that doesn’t mean a movie will never happen…..
What’s going on with the Stalking You Now movie?
It’s called Mindy Has To Die and had its world premiere October 4th, 2018 in Bangor, Ireland. However, that was an extremely incomplete version. The final film has just been completed. Distribution remains unknown at this point.
Will there be a Wolf Hunt movie?
Will there be an A Bad Day For Voodoo movie?
Will there be a How To Rescue a Dead Princess movie?
LOL no way.
I’ve never read any of your books. Where should I start?
It depends a lot of your personal taste, since I’ve got books ranging from absolutely ridiculous comedies to dark, bleak horror. Since I have to give an actual answer, I’ll say that the book most widely enjoyed is probably Blister, so start there.
Do you write full-time?
Now I do! So please buy my books. Please. Health insurance is expensive.
Will you be on my podcast?
By golly, I sure will!
Will you read my book and give me a blurb?
No!!! Sorry, that was rude. What I mean is, I’m not doing any more blurbs for a while. I like to help my fellow authors, but I think I’ve done too many of them and I’m diluting their effectiveness (if they were effective to begin with). And I’m unreliable AF. And I have too many books on my shelves that I want to read. Don’t hate me.
Are you being a jerk about only writing short stories for professional rates now, like you think you’re some big-shot who’s forgotten his lowly origins?
Yes. For the vast majority of my career you could get a short story from me just by asking nicely. These days, it’s gotta be 5 cents a word. Writing is my only source of income so I need to stick to projects that pay pro rates. (This doesn’t apply to charity anthologies, of course.)
Do you outline your novels beforehand?
Only when I have to. (For example, I had to give my publisher an outline for Dweller and Wolf Hunt to get the contract.) How much I know about the story before I start writing varies wildly from book to book, but I usually know the ending and a few markers along the way.
What’s the punchline to the joke that’s never completed in “The Carver?”
There isn’t one. You, and the Carver, must remain forever frustrated.
What was the process of collaborating with James A. Moore on The Haunted Forest Tour?
Mostly it involved me being annoyed that Jim writes approximately 8000 times faster than me. Jim wrote about 60% of the first draft (not in any particular order; there are parts where I did three chapters in a row, and parts where we shared a chapter), I did the revisions, and then we both proofread and nitpicked each other’s contributions. We brought out the wicked worst in each other–the book wouldn’t have been nearly as gory as a solo effort!
What was the process of collaborating with J.A. Konrath on Suckers?
Much like Jim Moore, J(oe) writes 8000 times faster than me. The divison of labor is a little more obvious in this one–I wrote the “Andrew Mayhem” chapters, and he wrote the “Harry McGlade” chapters. However, there was plenty of rewriting of each other’s work, so the jokes that you found particularly amusing in Joe’s sections are probably mine, and the plot holes you found in my sections are probably his fault.
Who is your favorite author?
Jonathan Tropper. No, David Wong. One of those guys.
If I mail a book to you, will you sign it for me?
I’m sooooooo bad at mailing stuff that it’s not worth the stress of having people get mad about how long it took.
What is your all-time favorite movie?
Shaun of the Dead.
Do you have an agent?
Not anymore! Technically I fired her, but it’s like breaking up with somebody after they’ve ghosted you for several weeks hoping you’ll take the hint.
Will you come talk to my school?
Yep, probably. I do not charge for classroom visits via Skype, or in-person visits that are a day trip from Atlanta. If it’s costing me more than just some gas money, you’d need to cover expenses.
Do you really love gummi bears, or do you just keep mentioning them all the time because they have a funny name?
I really love gummi bears–but they have to be Haribo brand gummi bears. None of that off-brand nonsense. [UPDATE: My sister sent me some non-Haribo gummi bears from Germany and they were awesome.]
More FAQ coming soon…