Update On Writing Stuff (September 26th Edition)

My new novel Kumquat is done!

By “done” I mean that I’ve written all of it and I’ve typed “The End,” but there’s still about a page worth of notes to myself that I have to address in the manuscript. (Sample: “They would be staying in an overflow hotel, not the actual convention hotel.”) I count this as being done, dammit.

For those of you wondering when you’ll get to read this book, my answer is an enthusiastic “I have no idea.” Unlike pretty much everything else I’ve written for the past decade, this wasn’t sold to a publisher before I wrote it. So after I do my final read-through, it’s going off to my agent. What will happen to it from there? Stay tuned for the latest updates.

Update on Writing Stuff (September 11th edition)

I’m still working on my novel Kumquat. Gettin’ really really close to the end, although it’s going to need another full pass before I’m ready to send it off to my mighty test readers. 

I wrote the afterword to the first part of Joe and Talon Konrath’s serial YA zombie novel Grandma?, though of course I’ve already posted about that, and you’ve already bought it. 

Did some edits for “Bath Time!” a short story that’ll appear in The Horror Library, Volume 5. 

And I started writing down notes for a new horror/suspense novel…but Wolf Hunt 2 is ahead of it in line…



You Don’t Need A Kindle…

You may be thinking to yourself, “Well, Jeff, it’s nice that your uproariously funny zombie novel The Sinister Mr. Corpse is free until Saturday, September 14th, but that doesn’t do ME a lick of good because I don’t own a Kindle! And though the Kindle is a pretty sweet device, I’m not going to buy one just to read your damn book. No offense.”

No offense taken. But you don’t NEED a Kindle! You can download an absolutely free Kindle app to your mobile device and read The Sinister Mr. Corpse from the comfort of your own phone. 

“But I own a Nook and/or Sony Reader and/or something else!” you may be screaming. “What about me?”

Well, The Sinister Mr. Corpse: Kindle Edition does not have DRM (Digital Rights Management) enabled, which means that though I COULD be all like “Aaah! Aaah! They’re gonna pirate it! They’re gonna pirate it!”, I’m not. Which means that you can convert the Kindle file to the format of your choosing. Just check out the following article:


Yes, it requires a few steps, but, hey, The Sinister Mr. Corpse is free! 


The Sinister Mr. Corpse…FREE!

It’s hard to imagine a better value than my novel The Sinister Mr. Corpse, which usually sells for a mere $2.99. But from Tuesday, September 10th through Saturday, September 14th, The Sinister Mr. Corpse will not be $2.99, nor will it be $1.99, nor will it even sell for the mind-bogglingly low price of 99 cents. If I got such a fine zombie comedy for less than a dollar, I’d be plagued with feelings of guilt until my dying day, but, for five magical days, the Kindle edition will be FREE!

“Bulls**t!” you’re probably shouting. “Mr. Corpse for free? Why, that’s crazy talk!”

And yet it is true. So download away! Tell your friends to download away! Tell your friends’ friends to download away, or have your friends tell their friends for you to save time! This offer won’t last forever (see paragraph #1 above).

Get your copy RIGHT HERE.

Notice that the cover is a little different? Lynne Hansen tweaked it.



From an early age, I promised myself that if Joe Konrath ever wrote the first part of a YA serial zombie novel with his son and asked me to write the afterword, I would say, “No way, dude. Bite me.”

Finally, that day arrived. And I stared Joe right in the e-mail and said, “Sure!” Because I remembered that he’s my meal ticket. 

So, Joe and 15-year-old Talon Konrath present Grandma?, the action-packed, funny first part of a serial novel. Afterword by me. 99 cents. 

Get it right here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00F1QE26Q



Treadmill Flicks, Episode 2

My next movie whilst working to keep my svelte figure was Kill List. For the first hour, it’s a British crime flick with a nice dose of dark humor. For the last half-hour, it’s still British, but…well, I’m not going to spoil anything, but if you say “I knew exactly where that film was headed!” you’re a damned dirty liar.

I have to admit that my reaction was less “I admire the way this film has subverted my expectations!” than “WTF?” but still, I recommend it. 3.5 stars out of 5 on Netflix. (Which, incidentally, is what Netflix SAID I’d rate it. Netflix is creepy.)

I also watched Safety Not Guaranteed, though not while on the treadmill. An absolutely wonderful movie.

I’m halfway through my next treadmill flick: Oldboy, which so far is beyond awesome.

Treadmill Flicks, Episode 1

I’ve been using my treadmill, but for short periods of time at high speeds, which is not conducive to movie-watching. So it took me MONTHS to finally watch the last couple of minutes of The Human Centipede Part 2. I could have watched the end without being on the treadmill, but the movie is a piece of crap that does wrong everything the original did right, and I had no investment in the outcome. 

(Yes, I loved The Human Centipede. It was inventive, genuinely suspenseful, and gave you reason to care if they were going to get out of this insane predicament. Whereas the sequel is “Ooooohhhh, look how gross and nasty and vile we can be!!!”)

Yesterday and today I watched High Lane, a French thriller. Five friends go on a mountain climbing trip…and get more than they bargained for! There’s nothing remotely original here, but it’s very well-done, and I’m sad to say that these days my standards for horror/suspense filmmaking have dropped to “Oh my God! The camera remained still for more than two seconds! This is awesome!”

Four stars out of five on Netflix. Next up: either Oldboy or Kill List. 

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