Monster’s Corner Now Available!

My signing for the debut of The Monster’s Corner was last night. If you missed it, never fear, because the book is now available! Stroll on over to your local bookstore, or order a copy from fine online retailers.

My own contribution, “Specimen 313,” has been available for a few weeks as a free e-book, but for those of you outside the United States who weren’t able to download it, the story has now been posted at Tor.Com! Check it out right here!

Special thanks to frequent website commenter Jim Morey, who not only showed up to the signing, but arrived bearing a gift of Snapple! Yes, this superb tradition of giving me free Snapple lives on! I assume that at some point I’ll be “Enough with the frickin’ Snapple, people!” but for now, I heartily endorse this activity.

Tampa Signing, Tuesday September 27

The Monster’s Corner, a collection of short stories from the monster’s point of view, goes on sale Tuesday, September 27th, and I’ll be at the Tampa (Carrollwood) Florida Barnes & Noble at 7:00 PM to scrawl my name on copies of the book!

The store is located at 11802 N. Dale Mabry Highway, Tampa Florida, 33618. Get driving directions HERE.

Survivor airs on Wednesdays, not Tuesdays, so there’s no reason not to come out!

Camp Motion Pictures

I almost never buy DVDs anymore, so what does it say about me that THIS is something I needed to own?

Camp Motion Pictures did a few shot-on-video movies in the 80’s. Not digital video, kids, but camcorder movies that looked like soap operas. The logo before their movies, with a computer-graphics rocket circling the earth, was laughably cheap looking even for 25 years ago. But I loved Video Violence, Cannibal Campout, and especially Video Violence 2, which I probably watched 10 times. I guess 10 viewings doesn’t make one into a psycho rabid insane fan, but still, I watched a cheap shot-on-video sequel 10 times! Loved it!

And now they’re on DVD, along with Captives (which I’ve never seen) and The Basement (an unreleased Super 8 film). With lots of special features, including commentary tracks! I cannot freaking wait to hear the filmmakers talk about stuff like Video Violence.

I love commentary tracks for movies where the filmmakers no longer find it necessary to preserve relationships. Another recent DVD purchase was Season Three of Breaking Bad, because it was ridiculously cheap and I wanted to hear the commentary tracks. Breaking Bad is a beyond-awesome show, probably the best TV show I’ve ever seen…and the commentary for each episode basically involves the cast and crew telling each other how fantastic they are. I already know the show is good. That’s why I bought the DVD. Enough with the stroke-fest!

For all I know, the Cannibal Campout commentary is entirely “You’re awesome!” “No, you’re awesome!” “No, you’re awesome!” And there’s an excellent chance that Video Violence 2 does not hold up. I will probably be very sad after I watch it.

Still, I was extremely psyched when the mailman dropped this off today. And did I mention that it comes in an oversized VHS-style box, and that it actually contains a VHS copy of The Basement? My VHS player has not been used in years, but it’s still hooked up, so maybe I’ll take an adventure back to the “Be Kind, Rewind” and “Dammit, why can’t I fix the tracking?” days…

Help Wanted: Tales of On-The-Job Terror

Is there anything scarier than a day job?

Yes. Sharks, for instance. If you said “Wow, there is nothing worse than having to get up and go to work,” and somebody said “Okay, then you get to quit your job, after we throw you into this tank with a great white shark!!!” you’d be all like “No! No! I misspoke! I’ll go to work! It’s not so bad!”

That said, sometimes work sucks, and sometimes it’s scary, as shown in this brand-new collection Help Wanted: Tales of On-The-Job Terror. edited by Peter Giglio and published by Dark Jester Press. It contains my story “Work/Life Balance,” which is a dark comedy about what happens when management eases up on some rules. (That description is perhaps not as gripping as, say, “Bus will explode if it drops below 50 MPH” or “Brad Pitt gets younger as he ages,” but, c’mon, no good can come from management easing up on some rules, right?)

It also contains stories by Stephen Volk, David Dunwoody, Lisa Morton, Gregory L. Norris, Zak Jarvis, Adrian Chamberlin, Ellen Herbert, Gary Brandner, Patrick Flanagan, David C. Hayes, Vince A. Liaguno, David Greske, Amy Wallace, Vic Kerry, Henry Snider, Craig Saunders, Mark Allan Gunnells, Marianne Halbert, Will Huston, Trevor Denyer, Matt Kurtz, Joe McKinney, Eric Shapiro, and Scott Bradley.

Get your copy by clicking RIGHT HERE.

Netflix

So today Reed Hastings, the CEO of Netflix, sent out an apology e-mail for the way the recent price hike was handled. This is why he is a CEO and I am not, because MY official statement would have been:

Dear Netflix customers,

Are you f***ing kidding me?!? You get to watch unlimited movies and TV shows on Netflix streaming, plus receive DVDs in the mail, and you’re throwing a temper tantrum over paying $15.98 a month?!? Seriously? You whiny spoiled brats think you’re getting ripped off at that price? Shouldn’t you be saying “Holy f***ing s**t! We live in a world where I can pay sixteen bucks and watch as many movies as my eyeballs can handle without melting!”? If you went back in time and described Netflix to your younger self, your younger self’s f***ing head would explode! I mean, f***, people!

Bite me. Just f***ing bite me.

Sincerely,

Netflix

A Truly Great Horror/Comedy!

I don’t want to overhype this movie, but I’ve gotta say, I loved the hell out of Tucker & Dale Vs Evil. It’s a hilarious reversal of the “redneck horror” genre; in this case, Tucker and Dale are a couple of kindhearted hillbillies who are mistaken by a group of camping college kids as the kind of murderous inbred psychos you’d normally find in this kind of movie. When one of the kids hits her head and nearly drowns in the lake, Tucker and Dale rescue her, but their cry of “We’ve got your friend!” is perceived as a taunt. Much bloody mayhem ensues.

I’m not a fan of “wacky misunderstanding” comedies (and in some ways this is like a splattery version of Three’s Company) but the filmmakers do an incredible job of sustaining the premise. Roger Ebert has complained about movie plots that could be resolved in ten seconds if the characters would just talk to each other, and Tucker & Dale Vs Evil addresses this with a wonderful scene where they do sit down to talk things out, though it doesn’t quite resolve matters.

There’s no genuine horror in this movie–it’s entirely played for laughs–but there’s way more heart than you’d expect from a blood-drenched comedy. It gets my highest recommendation. It’s available on video-on-demand, but it’s also getting a limited theatrical release on September 30th. If a theater anywhere near you is on the list at the below link, GO! (Don’t watch the trailer at the site, though. It gives away too many of the punchlines.)

http://www.magpictures.com/dates.aspx?id=2f2007a6-ac5a-43c2-97b4-c8575624cdde

Blackbeard Vs The Vampire!

Hey, I’ve got a new short story, “Sottocoperta,” part of the Queen Anne’s Resurrection series at Il Posto Nero. You can read it absolutely free by clicking HERE…though the story is in Italian, which I suppose could prove problematic for some of you. But there are plenty of free online translators, allowing you to read the official Doesn’t Speak The Language Very Well version of the tale!

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