Available in a Kindle edition. 

And also paperback. 

Audiobook read by Dick Hill. 


Well, not vampires—Pires. Whack-jobs who think they’re vampires. They’ve inducted an innocent young girl into their cult, and her mother has hired legendary (not in a good way) private investigator Harry McGlade to get her back.

Infiltrating this bloodthirsty cult is too big of a job for just one man, especially when he has the intelligence of half a man. But when he joins forces with the also-less-than-100%-competent Andrew Mayhem, maybe, just maybe, their combined efforts will succeed in thwarting this savage menace. Or perhaps they’ll just embarrass themselves and get killed.

Masters of humor-tainted-horror (or horror-tainted-humor) J.A. Konrath and Jeff Strand team up for the first time in this hilariously gruesome adventure that does not contain a single lame “You suck!” or “That bites!” joke. Suckers. The ultimate Idiots vs. Phony Vampires extravaganza!

Book #6 in the Delirium Hardcover Chapbook series.




26 Responses to “Suckers”

  1. jmorey01 Says:

    Oh, man, I’ve got to stop!

    I just found a new #6 online (not going to mention where until I talk myself out of spending more money I don’t have!) for only $19 plus shipping!

    Give me strength!
    – Jim


  2. jeffstrand Says:

    Here are some waves of strength <<<>>>


  3. Kyle L. Says:

    Just saw that Horror Mall put up ‘Suckers’ for sale, grabbed up a copy, then saw this post and figured I’d comment. Since ordering, it has disappeared from their website, and Bad Moon Books doesn’t have it listed on their website either, so I may have just bought a phantom copy of the book. We’ll see I suppose!


  4. Kyle L. Says:

    Just got my confirmation on the book from Horror Mall that it shipped, so maybe I grabbed the last copy. Lucky me!


  5. Kyle L. Says:

    Yep, but it’s Andrew Mayhem, which means no matter the size, it’s an epic adventure!!


  6. Jim Says:

    You know, it would be nice to hear from our old friend Andrew again some time. Any chance of that?


  7. Kyle L. Says:

    My birthday is in June, can we make it halfway between Jim’s and my birthdays?? 🙂


  8. Jim Says:


    Speaking of birthdays — happy (significant round numbered), Jeff!


  9. Kyle L. Says:

    Finally got my copy today Jeff! It is tiny… but like I said before, doesn’t matter, it’s Mayhem!!


  10. Jim Says:

    I was thumbing through the PDF copy of this I’ve had since, well, since you and Joe made it available, pretty much, and it dawned on me that I never even came close to finishing it!

    Fresh Mayhem!!!

    To celebrate, I grabbed the kindle version and that will be next (right after I finish up Draculas.) Yes the PDF is viewable on the kindle, but it just isn’t the same.

    It looks like I’m going to have to re-buy my other Andrew books, since the eReader PDB versions I’ve had for years are not convertable. Ah, well, it’s worth it!


    • jeffstrand Says:

      Clearly, the Konrath stuff impeded your ability to keep reading. Generally, if you hold your breath and clickclickclick through the McGlade stories as quickly as you can to get to the Mayhem stories, it’s possible to finish the book.


      • Jim Says:

        I’m not sure I could read a McGlade story anyway – I’d need Dick Hill sitting next to me randomly throwing out “Jackie.”


  11. Jim Says:

    Just saw a copy of this pop up on ebay, but it lists as paperback and with a different cover?


  12. Charmagne Says:

    I absolutely LOVE your work!! Just discovered you and J.A. Konrath a couple of days ago. (Sorry) In my defense I’m old…(46) and I have 5 kids and 2 grand kids. I read Anne Rice’s “Interview With the Vampire” when I was 10. (I KNOW…right?) And I was hooked. Thank you for sharing your talent Mr. Strand. I am eternally grateful and spreading the word….


  13. Charmagne Says:

    Oh! And while I’m at it… I bought “Suckers” on Amazon to down load onto kindle. I have read portions of stories about Andrew Mayhem and Konrath’s Harry McGlade to my husband and 23 yr. old and they are busting at the seams to read more! Thanks again!!!!


  14. Robbin Says:

    “Suckers” is quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever read. I started with ” Mr.Corpse” on my Kindle. That was when I knew that I had to read every single thing that you have ever written. I am not even sure how much I have read, because I can’t recall all the short story titles. Cross referencing them would be a lot of work, and I would rather repeat a few, than actually put a little effort into it. I’m lazy like that. Really glad to have found your work !!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: