Bitter, Talentless, Mean People

As authors, we never really want to get bad reviews, but I couldn’t help but be entertained by this Amazon review for my novel OUT OF WHACK:

“mean..not funny

this isnt funny. its just sarcastic stupid and disgusting. Author is clearly a bitter person with no talent.”

If she thinks OUT OF WHACK is sarcastic stupid and disgusting, I can barely imagine what would happen if she read something like DISPOSAL. I suspect that her brain would explode and pour out of her ears. (Requiring a minor Q-tip dab to clean up—HA! I’m mean and bitter!) 

Signing in Duluth

The last official signing of the PRESSURE book tour is this Saturday, July 25th! 1:00 PM at Northern Lights Books & Gifts in Duluth, Minnesota. Afterward, we’ll go get some Wisconsin cheese!

The bookstore’s website is

The Last (Currently Scheduled) Florida Signing…

Wednesday, July 22. Clearwater Barnes & Noble. 7:00 PM. If you live in Florida, you are required to attend. Some of you thought my last “attendance is mandatory” message was a joke, and I guess it was, and technically the “required to attend” part of this message was also a joke…but, c’mon! It’ll be fuuuuuuuuun! I’ll buy you a pony!

Check out for full details.

Almost Over…

Well, I’m back from the second-to-last week of the PRESSURE promo tour. Two more signings and it’s over, kiddies! You’d think that the feeling of elation that comes from seeing your book on the shelf would eventually fade…and it does. I’m sick of seeing that frickin’ book. It makes me want to kick the shelf. If I have to tell one more person what it’s about, I’m going to start screaming obscenities and punch out a Dalmatian. 

No, I’m kidding. I’ll prove it with a smiley face. 🙂   I’ve spent too much of my life with my books NOT on bookshelves not to get all giddy when I see PRESSURE right there next to UNCLE TOM’S CABIN and Peter Straub. Also, at my Ft. Myers signing this afternoon, a potential reader shouted “I WANT TO SEE IT! I WAAAAAAAAAAANT IT!!!” Granted, it was a four-year-old child, and I’m not sure he would have even liked the book if his mom had bought it for him, but his level of enthusiasm toward PRESSURE is something we should all emulate.

So did you pre-order THE SEVERED NOSE yet?

The Tour Continues: Delray Beach & Ft. Myers

And I’m headed back on the road for another weekend of PRESSURE insanity. First official stop, excluding drop-in signings: the Murder on the Beach bookstore in Delray Beach, Florida. You know darn well you want to go to a bookstore called Murder on the Beach. I’ll be there Saturday, July 18 starting at 5:00 PM.

It’s at 273 Pineapple Grove Way. Delray Beach, Florida. 33444, and you can check out their website at C’mon out!

And then, Sunday, July 19th, starting at 1:00 PM, I’ll be at Barnes & Noble in Ft. Myers. 13751 S. Tamiami Trail. Ft. Myers, Florida 33912. 

That’s not the end, but it’s starting to wind down…

Poll Time!

Okay, this poll is only aimed at those whackos who have bought stuff like the hardcover limited editions of DISPOSAL, THE SINISTER MR. CORPSE, GLEEFULLY MACABRE TALES, THE HAUNTED FOREST TOUR, or my various other pricey books and would consider buying them again. 

Let’s say I’ve got another one of those high-end hardcover limited editions coming out. Tiny little print run. No current plans for a paperback edition, but I’m toying with the idea of an e-book edition.

Thanks! And please feel free to add any comments, if you’ve got more to say about the subject!

Lots o’ Stuff

For those of you who’ve asked, my next “serious” novel is called DWELLER, coming March 2010 from Leisure Books. I got a sneak peek at the cover art today, and it’s perfect. Way better than what I asked for, which I guess is why I’m an author and not a cover artist. 

I found out that my novella KUTTER has been moved up two months, from February 2010 to December 2009. The book should go up for pre-order fairly soon, and the day before that happens I’ll post a blog about the process of writing it. At this very moment I’m waiting for a glimpse at the first piece of interior artwork…it could show up in my e-mail any second now…the suspense is unbearable…

Meanwhile, the interior illustrations for THE SEVERED NOSE are weird and wonderful things, drawn by Melanie McVey. This one’s set to ship in the next two to three weeks, so if you didn’t order it before because it was months and months away, now’s the time to reserve your copy! 

When I finish a piece of writing, whether it’s 500-word flash fiction or a 75,000-word novel, my response is “Yeah! I’m done! Huzzah!!! Woo-hoo-hoo!!! I’m doooooone!!! Cha-cha-cha!!!” THE SEVERED NOSE is the only thing I’ve ever written where I was kind of sad when it was over. It’s easily the most fun I’ve had with a project for at least the past few years. The tone is sort of like a dry-humored, extremely dark piece of sketch comedy, with characters who are extremely polite in the face of ghastly events. 

I’ve shared the opening bit here before, but it’s been a while, so…

“When you kill people for a living, you get used to finding the occasional body part lying around your home. I do not kill people for a living, and so I freaked.”

Pre-ordering links are conveniently located here (paperback numbered edition)…

And here (hardcover lettered edition)…

Tell the economy to suck it! Order your copy today!

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