Here’s a list of my published or to-be-published short stories. If they appear in a collection, I’ve marked if it’s GLEEFULLY MACABRE TALES [GMT], DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE [DCB], DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE EXPANSION PACK [DCBEP], or EVERYTHING HAS TEETH [EHT].

“Pink Passion.” When a tough stranger goes into a rough bar and orders a girly drink, things get interesting. To appear in BREWTALITY.

“Green Suits.” A bank robbery goes very, very wrong when the robbers argue over their attire. Appeared in FORBIDDEN FUTURES #7.

“Lost Gator.” It sure sucks when you lose a giant alligator, huh? I hope the dude in this story finds his. Appears in TALES OF THE LOST.

“Ivan’s Night Out.” A prequel story about Ivan Spinner, the very, very bad werewolf from WOLF HUNT. Appears in the werewolf anthology LEADERS OF THE PACK.

“Captain Pistachio’s Charming Rampage.” Hey, kids, do you want a delicious and nutritious treat? Just don’t enrage the mascot! Appears in the humorous horror anthology LAUGHING AT SHADOWS.

“Smashing Jacks.” Don’t be a jerk at Halloween. To appear in HALLOWEEN HAUNTS, VOLUME 1.

“All I Want For Christmas Is Your Two Front Teeth.” To appear in CHRISTMAS HORROR, VOLUME 3.

“The Last Thing You Want To Be.” A cautionary tale against going on a cop-killing rampage. Appeared in IN DARKNESS, DELIGHT.

“The Things Whittier Couldn’t Do.” John Greenleaf Whittier might have been a fine poet, but you wouldn’t want to rely on him for medical attention. Appeared in WITTIER THAN THOU. I’ll be in this one with Mark Twain, fulfilling his lifetime dream posthumously.

“Outpouring.” I was asked to write a story based on the Book of Revelations and this is what I came up with. I apologize. Appears in the anthology AND HELL FOLLOWED.

“Good Deeds.” Originally titled “The Most Depressing Christmas Song.” If you hate that Christmas shoes song, you’ll enjoy this tale of a guy who is so impressed by his own act of generosity that he writes a song about it. Then bad things happen. Appears in HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SCREAM.

“The Great Stone Face vs. The Gargoyles.” What if Buster Keaton, instead of a brilliant silent film comedian, was a documentarian whose pratfalls were all real? This question, asked by millions, is answered in my story in FANTASTIC TALES OF TERROR.

“Clickers vs. Mandibles: The Tale of an Unwritten Saga.” Half non-fiction, half short-story. This tells of the CLICKERS VS. MANDIBLES novel that I never wrote with J.F. Gonzalez, and appears in the upcoming J.F. Gonzalez tribute anthology CLICKERS FOREVER.

“Clyde the Necrophile.” Pretty much just what the title says, I guess. Appears in the humorous horror anthology A SHARP STICK IN THE EYE.

“Shock Collar.” A short story of exactly 100 words, written for an anthology of all stories of exactly 100 words, COLLECTED HORROR DRABBLES.

“Lab Experiment Turf War.” It’s kind of like WEST SIDE STORY except with horrific examples of scientific experimentation gone wrong. Appears in the ’50s themed anthology POP THE CLUTCH.

“Don’t Make Fun of the Haunted House.” Just because it’s the lamest haunted house ever to appear in a carnival doesn’t mean you won’t lose your mind. Appeared in MASTERS OF HORROR.

“Rotten Eggs.” Older sisters can be jerks. Appeared in COLLECTED EASTER SHORTS.

“The Tipping Point,” “Chiggers,” “Alien Face,” “Dead Bigfoot on the Lawn,” “The Eggman Falleth,” and “Dad (A True Story)” all appeared for the first time in EVERYTHING HAS TEETH.

“Coping Mechanism.” One of my only efforts at writing in somebody else’s world. This story appeared in INTO PAINFREAK, based on Gerard Houarner’s PAINFREAK.

“December Birthday.” When a man hears “It’s a birthday present AND a Christmas present!” one too many times, things go horribly wrong.  Appeared in CHRISTMAS HORROR VOLUME 2.

“Hostile.” A story about squandering the opportunities given to you as a paying customer who gets to kill people. Appeared in D.O.A. III.

Flash fiction stories that appeared in my newsletter…

  • “The Wrong Dentist.”
  • “Headspin.” 
  • “Bradley Went Crunch.”
  • “Box of Chocolates.”
  • “Laundry Day.”
  • “Bernie.”
  • “Guillotine.”
  • “Thrill Ride.”
  • “A Real Haunting.”
  • “The Most Entertaining Man in the Elevator.”
  • “Chick.”
  • “A Story I’m Writing While Being Devoured by a Lion.”
  • “Grouchy McGrumpyPants Hates April Fool’s Day.”
  • “Jigsaw Puzzle.”
  • “The Guy Who Didn’t Want to Murder Anybody With a Hammer.”
  • “How’s My Driving?”
  • “Corky & Snorky.”
  • “The Douchebag Who Reneged on the Death Pact.”
  • “After.”
  • “And There Was a Metal Hook.” 
  • “Fresh Fish.”
  • “Last One In.” 
  • “Clicking the Heart”
  • “The Tell Tale Heart II: Aftermath”
  • “Too Meta 2 Live” 
  • “Home With a Future”
  • “The Soupville Stabber Practices Social Distancing” 
  • “Jock Magnum, Manatee Hunter”
  • “Breakthrough”
  • “The Cat Who Was Super Smart For A Cat But Admittedly Kind Of Dumb By Human Standards”
  • “CraniumVision”

“Giant Mutant Cockroaches in the Old West Versus Zombies.” A short story sequel to “Them Old West Mutations.” Did anybody expect a sequel to that particular story? No. Did anybody ask for one? No. I care not. Appeared in THE UNLEASHED.

“No Tomato.” A tale about 1) the importance about getting food orders right, and 2) the importance of being respectful to your servers. Appeared in the anthology DARK PLACES, EVIL FACES.

“Beware! The! Beverage!” Energy drinks, delicious and nutritious as they may be, can have horrific side effects. Appeared in SPLATTERPUNK’S NOT DEAD.

“Pointy Canes.” Do any of your relatives have weird habits during the holidays? Such as, say, a creepy uncle who sucks candy canes down to a point then saves them? If so, you can relate to this tale, which appeared in the anthology CHRISTMAS HORROR.

“Awakening.” It’s kind of inconvenient to discover that you are, in fact, a sadistic serial killer. Do you stop sawing off people’s limbs, or just go with your true nature? Appeared in SPLATTERPUNK ZINE.

“Deformed Son.” Sure, you can spend the night here because your car broke down, but don’t go down in the basement where my deformed son is locked up. Really. Don’t do it. Appeared in AGHAST magazine. [EHT]

“Gave Up The Ghost.” A panicked writer will do anything to get his novel back after his computer crashes, including trying to communicate with its ghost in the afterlife. The movie version, directed by Greg Lamberson, appears in the horror anthology film CREEPERS. [DCBEP]

“John Henry, Steel Drivin’ Man.” A comedic take on the classic folk ballad. Appears in OUT OF TUNE. [EHT]

“The Sentient Cherry Cola That Tried To Destroy The World.” I guess the title pretty much sums this one up. Better luck next time, other authors who hope to win the Pulitzer Prize next year! Appears in ANYTHING BUT ZOMBIES. [EHT]

“Nails.” Not metal nails. Fingernails. They seem so innocent, hanging out on the end of your fingers, but what if they have a sudden growth spurt? Appears in DEAD HARVEST. [EHT]

“Faerie.” A story about a faerie that may or may not be real. There may or may not also be a cannibalism element. Appeared in the May 2014 issue of THE HORROR ZINE. [EHT]

“Death to Trees.” My buddy and fellow author James Newman was in an accident where a giant tree branch fell and broke the crap out of his arm. The anthology WIDOWMAKERS was put together to help with his medical bills, and my story is about James Newman’s vengeance.

“Dismemberment Fraud.” A tribute to the Godfather of Gore Herschell Gordon Lewis. Appeared in the anthology THE GRUESOME TENSOME.

“It’s Bath Time.” Mr. Rogers once did a song assuring young children that they couldn’t go down the bathtub drain. But was Mr. Rogers LYING? (No. Mr. Rogers would never lie. He was merely ignorant of the incredible dangers that a a child faces when the water drains…) Appears in HORROR LIBRARY, VOLUME 5. [EHT]

“The Fierce Stabbing and Subsequent Post-Death Vengeance of Scooter Brown.” I think that title is pretty self-explanatory. Appears in PIERCING THE DARKNESS. [EHT]

“Hologram Skull Cover.” Rick Hautala died this year, and this story was written as a tribute to him and his bestselling novel NIGHT STONE, which had one of those hologram skull covers that were so beloved in 80’s horror. Appears in MISTER OCTOBER, VOLUME 2.

“Apocalypse of the Yard Gnome.” This was originally set to appear in an anthology called YARD GNOMES OF THE APOCALYPSE that never came out. Sure, I could have waited for another anthology with an apocalyptic yard gnome theme to put out a call for submissions, but instead I sent it to THE HORROR ZINE. [EHT]

“A Bit of Christmas Mayhem.” An Andrew Mayhem tale to put you in the holiday spirit! Appeared in SPLATTERPUNK Issue #4. [DCBEP]

“The Fraud.” Sometimes I write funny, lighthearted tales. Sometimes…not so much. Appeared in MADHOUSE.

“Stumps.” Immortality is pretty awesome if you think about it. But if you think about it a little more, it suddenly becomes less awesome. Hint: the title of this story does not refer to what remains after a tree is chopped down. Appears in FEAR THE REAPER. [EHT]

“Cry.” This touching story opens with “My tears spill onto the keyboard as I write this.” Then, of course, it follows that it up with “It’s pretty much because I just finished rubbing freshly sliced habanero peppers into my eyes,” so I guess it’s not all that touching. Appears in BLOOD RITES. [EHT]

“A Flawed Fantasy.” Some fantasies sound pretty awesome, until you actually break them down and analyze the logic. Appears in CHIRAL MAD. [DCBEP]

“The Car.” What nightmarish secrets lurk in...the car??? Actually, none. This story has nothing to do with nightmarish secrets lurking in a car. It’s actually about vampire games, and appeared in HIGH STAKES, a collection of stories conveniently about vampire games. [DCPEP]

“The Loneliest Jackalope.” When editors e-mail you and ask if you’d be willing to write a story about a jackalope for a collection of stories about jackalopes, the only correct response is “Yes!!!” So this one appears in UNNATURAL TALES OF THE JACKALOPE. [DCPEP]

“The Carver.” A ghastly serial killer is ready to claim his next victim, who may get a most unusual revenge… Appears in the World Horror Convention 2012 Souvenir Book. [DCB]

“Confession.” A very bad man talks about the very bad things he has done. Appears in the premiere issue of SPLATTERPUNK, a horror ‘zine.

“The Origin of Slashy.” I’m not going to lie to you–this one is messed up. Appears in CORRUPTS ABSOLUTELY? a collection of stories about people with superhuman powers not behaving in the most polite manner. [EHT]

“Tin Cans.” A story about communication using a method that is less than the cutting edge of technology. Appeared in the World Horror Convention 2013 Souvenir book. [DCBEP]

“Inside the Boxes.” What does Grandma keep in her attic? Sweet, precious things, or something nastier? Probably something nastier, but find out for sure in ATTIC TOYS! [DCBEP]

“Rocky Wood, Skeleton Killer.” Rocky Wood is a real person. Does he really defend humanity against the ongoing menace of reanimated skeletons? Perhaps. Perhaps not. You can read about it in RAGE AGAINST THE NIGHT.

“Pet Semmuteary,” “Stop Stabbing Me,” “Pregnancy Test,” “Push the Button,” “Fangboy and the Troll,” “True Hero.” “Dummy.” Seven stories that appeared for the first time in DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE.

“Work/Life Balance.” A manager institutes various new policies to benefit his employees, but what happens when corporate life has too much freedom? Appears in HELP WANTED, a collection of stories about horror in the workplace. [DCB]

“Specimen 313.” What IS Specimen 313? Appears in THE MONSTER’S CORNER, a collection of tales where you’re rooting for the monsters, edited by Christopher Golden. Also available as a FREE download right here! [DCB]

“Scrumptious Bone Bread.” So the giant in “Jack and the Beanstalk” was always talking about grinding bones into bread. Does that really work? Is the bread any good? A murderous redneck decides to satisfy his curiosity. Appears in BLOOD LITE III. [DCBEP]

“Chomp! (A Cautionary Tale).” It is said that those who are pure of heart can reach into the mouth of the ancient stone statue and retrieve a jewel of incalculable value. If you’re not pure of heart…well, you probably shouldn’t do that. Appeared in the anthology RELICS & REMAINS. [DCB]

“The Story of My First Kiss.” This kind of sounds like a sweet little romance story. I wonder if it is? Appeared on the website The Horror Zine in July 2011 and also the collection A FEAST OF FRIGHTS. [EHT]

“Dead in the Water.” Yes, kids, it’s the zombie apocalypse, and if you’re trying to get from Tampa, Florida to St. Petersburg (also Florida), you have to cross a long bridge over the bay. Bad things could happen. Appeared in ZOMBIE NATION: ST. PETE. [DCB]

“Eight-Legged Vengeance.” If you’re trying to seek revenge on your girlfriend, and you’re thinking about baking a tarantula into a cake, this story will show you why that’s a poor idea. In BLOOD LITE II. [DCB]

“Drain Bamage.” A kid drops his baby sister on her head and deals with a lifetime of guilt. In HORROR LIBRARY, VOLUME IV. [DCB]

“Rough Draft.” A story that pretended to be a rough draft, but wasn’t. It’s hard to explain. Appeared at Horror World for a month; will probably have to wait until my next collection to appear again. [DCB]

“My Knife Collection.” This story accompanied an interview with me in Cemetery Dance #60. [DCB]

“Burden.” A guilt-ridden man has to care for his wheelchair-bound brother, and he doesn’t like it at all. A rather unpleasant tale that appeared in Shroud Magazine #6. [DCB]

“The Bell…FROM HELL!!!” If you were in possession of a bell forged by Lucifer, would you use it for good or evil? Appeared in the Horror Writers Association anthology BLOOD LITE, from Pocket Books. [DCB]

“The Apocalypse Ain’t So Bad.” Check it out in HORROR LIBRARY, VOLUME 3. An uplifting tale about how the end of the world doesn’t have to be such a bummer. Also appears in HORROR FOR GOOD. [DCB]

“The Big Bite.” A giant vampire goes on a rampage in a tale that explores that idea that once a vampire reaches sixty feet tall, their vampirism becomes largely irrelevant. Appeared in the anthology MONSTROUS. [DCB]

“The Drop.” A wee tiny scrap of flash fiction, which appeared on the Delirium Books website. [DCB]

“Immunity.” A wee tiny scrap of zombie flash fiction, which appeared in the zombie flash fiction anthology BITS OF THE DEAD, and was reprinted in BEST ZOMBIE TALES VOLUME 1. [DCB]

“Mr. Twitcher’s Miracle Baby-Chopping Machine.” I guess the title makes it pretty clear what this one is about. If you have an objection to tales that involve babies, chopping, or both elements combined, you’ll want to steer clear. Appeared in DESOLATE SOULS, the 2008 World Horror Convention souvenir anthology. [DCB]

“Comeuppance.” Tattoos gone wrong. Originally appeared at Horror World, and now appears in a special (to me, anyway) issue of DARK RECESSES magazine…for free! [DCB]

waitingforoctobermastermedium.jpg“Gramma’s Corpse.” Something very rare for me…a tale that started out as a dark comedy, but then turned into a straightforward creepfest. Appeared in WAITING FOR OCTOBER. [DCB]

“Here’s What Happened…” Gore galore! A guy tries to relate the tale of a gruesome massacre to his uninterested buddy.. Appeared in WAITING FOR OCTOBER. [DCB]

“The Bad Candy House.” Sometimes you’ve just gotta write a really mean-spirited Halloween tale. Appeared in HALLOW’S EVE, a charity anthology, and later in WAITING FOR OCTOBER. [GMT]

sexpotionmastermedium.jpg“Sex Potion #147.” The woman-on-top portion of my chapbook FUNNY STORIES OF SCARY SEX, published by White Noise Press. [GMT]

werewolfpornomastermedium.jpg“Werewolf Porno.” The man-on-top portion of FUNNY STORIES OF SCARY SEX. [GMT]

“Poor Career Choice.” Our good friend Andrew Mayhem meets up with a professional assassin. Or a not-so-professional assassin. This story appears in THESE GUNS FOR HIRE, an anthology of hit-man stories featuring lots of mystery/thriller authors much, much, much more famous than me. [DCB]

“Special Features.” A delightful tale for those DVD fanatics out there. Appears in POST MORTEM #4. [GMT]

“Bad Coffee.” A piece of flash-fiction that was printed on a coffee mug, “published” by Insidious Reflections. Only 25 of ’em were offered for sale, so it’s one of the ultimate Jeff Strand collector’s items…as long as you don’t run it through the dishwasher! [GMT]

“The Socket.” Got a “thing” about things happening to eyeballs?  Don’t read this one.  Seriously.  Appeared in DEATHGRIP: EXIT LAUGHING, a humorous horror anthology from Hellbound Books. [GMT]

“Glimpses.” Another one of my rare ventures into serious, downbeat territory. But, y’know, there’s funny stuff too. Appeared in BARE BONES #8, published by Raw Dog Screaming Press. [GMT]

sociallyawkwardmomentsmastermedium.jpg“Socially Awkward Moments With An Aspiring Lunatic.” This appeared as a seriously disturbed chapbook from Biting Dog Press. The chapbook once sold on eBay for slightly more than cover price, which made me feel like a superstar. [GMT]

twotwistednutsmastermedium.jpg“Mr. Sensitive.” This was my half of TWO TWISTED NUTS: A CHAPBOOK OF TESTICULAR TERROR (Nick Cato contributed “Ball Breaker”). Cringe, baby, cringe! [GMT]

“Them Old West Mutations.” Mutant killer cockroaches in the Old West.  Perhaps not the most serious, introspective thing I’ve ever written.  Appeared in TRIP THE LIGHT HORRIFIC, an anthology of humorous horror. [GMT]

“Really, Really Ferocious.” A story about a wiener dog.  Everybody likes wiener dogs.  Available in SMALL BITES, an anthology of 500-word stories about things that eat people. [GMT]

“A Bite For A Bite.” Zombie goodness!  Another SMALL BITES tale. [GMT]

“Abbey’s Shriek.” One of my sickest pieces, an 7000-word story published in the anthology BEYOND THE MUNDANE: UNRAVELINGS from Mundania Press. [GMT]

“Roasting Weenies by Hellfire.” If “splatstick” was a term that I had coined, I’d use it to describe this story.  But I didn’t, so I’ll just call this story “gory slapstick.”  It appears in the anthology THE HORROR WRITERS’ NETWORK PRESENTS: NEW VOICES IN HORROR and the magazine KOPFHALTER. [GMT]

“Quite a Mess.” An extremely short (150 words) gross-out gag.  The world can never have too many of those, in my opinion.  Appeared in the UK horror magazine FUSING HORIZONS. [GMT]

“One of Them.” An unusually serious and “quiet” story for a goofball like me (though still plenty twisted).  This appeared in SIDE SHOW: TALES OF THE BIG TOP AND BIZARRE, a circus-themed anthology. [GMT]

“Scarecrow’s Discovery.” This first appeared in HORRORS!  365 SCARY STORIES (I was responsible for 1/365th of this fine anthology), which you can still order online and which seems to be available in most Barnes & Noble bookstores.  The story also appeared in SHADOWKEEPZINE with a different weapon at the end. [GMT]

“High Stakes.” A tender little tale about gambling addiction gone terribly, terribly wrong.  This first appeared in PLANET RELISH, an online website for humorous science fiction, and later in WHISTLING SHADE and DOWSE.  Some junior high students e-mailed me to ask permission to do a group project on this story for their English class, and I’m proud to say that they received a well-deserved “A” for their efforts. [GMT]

“I Hold the Stick.” Literary fiction from me???  Well, not quite.  You’ll just have to read it.  This story appeared in THE ABSINTHE LITERARY REVIEW and WHISTLING SHADE. [GMT]

“Wasting Grandpa.” Killing your grandfather isn’t quite as easy as it sounds.  This one appeared in the no-longer-available Wordbeams anthology SCRATCHING THE SURFACE. [GMT]

“Everything Has a Purpose.” Another story that appeared in SCRATCHING THE SURFACE. I got to read it live on the radio once, and the radio station made it through the night. [GMT]

“Howard, the Tenth Reindeer.” Several years ago, I wrote this story and sent it out as a Christmas card.  It was so incredibly popular that the next year I did the same thing with a story called “The Little Girl Who Wished Away Christmas,” which was about .003% as popular.  I sent out “Howard’s Return” the year after that, and I don’t think anybody even read it.  So no more Christmas card stories from me.  Anyway, this story appeared in MERRY MUSES, another Wordbeams anthology that’s no longer available. [GMT]

“The Private Diary of Leonard Parr.” The first short story I ever had accepted for publication, although not the first one to actually be published.  Appeared in TWISTED MAGAZINE #1.  It has since made its way into my novel OUT OF WHACK.

“The Lust-Mobile.” A G-rated version of an X-rated story.  Just doing my part to keep our pornography suitable for all ages.  Appeared in NUTHOUSE #39.

“The Cigar Store.” A Monty Python homage that was published before the Clinton scandal and American Pie, and yet still contains a moment where a clerk confuses a cigar with a flute.   Appeared in THE NOCTURNAL LYRIC #48.

“This Skit Is Extinct.” My first published piece, a charming little skit about a man who runs through a train shouting “I am not a pterodactyl!” and the man who becomes obsessed with finding out why.  Appeared in LIQUID OHIO #12.

Really frickin’ bad round robin stories…

“Serial Living.” A ten-part story, written by myself and four other authors who will be very grateful not to be named here.  We posted it on our respective websites and sent it out to unfortunate subscribers.  It got off to a pretty good start, but when it crashed and burned, it did so in a way that few stories can even aspire to.  Things even got heated behind the scenes, with certain parties being incredibly offended when it was pointed out that the previous chapter had ended with a bunker about to explode, which did not necessarily mean that the characters inside couldn’t drop everything and have sex, but that they should at least say something like “Gosh, it certainly was convenient that the bunker decided not to explode after all, allowing us to drop everything and have sex.”

“Enclave.” About twenty-five authors each contributed one chapter to this novel, which by the end was so incoherent that I don’t know how the final author managed to wrap things up.  Oh, wait, I was that final author.  I don’t even remember how I wrapped things up.  If ANYBODY but me read this all the way through, I’ll be amazed.  The authors were permitted to offer this book as a free download from their websites, but as far as I can tell the only evidence that this book ever existed is this paragraph that I’ve just finished writing.

(Update:  I’ve since found Enclave posted in its entirety somewhere on the Internet, but I’m sure not going to post a link here!)

38 Responses to “SHORT WORKS”

  1. James Says:


    Woohoo, I found it! I shall now undertake to read it from start to finish.


  2. Mark R. Says:

    HEY JEFF! Nice to see you’re actually making a name for yourself! 🙂

    I just related the sad, sad story of Planet Relish’s demise to an acquaintance, who was dumbfounded that there could be such a thing as “humorous horror.” I thought, what better example than our highest-rated horror story of all time, “High Stakes” by Jeff Strand. In the process I think I snagged you another new fan! I’ll be charging my usual fee, of course, so you’ll hear from our accounts receivable department shortly….


    • jeffstrand Says:

      Planet Relish made me what I am today. Had you not published “High Stakes,” I would be spending my evenings lying in a gutter, chewing on old newspapers for the ink. But now I live in a palace made of solid pewter, with one personal servant for each appendage. I don’t even have to write my own books anymore. I just pay this guy, Ralph, who is so thankful that I didn’t drop him into the shark tank that he’ll write whatever I want. (He’s not very good, but I’ve hit a level of success where the actual quality of the books is irrelevant.) It’s a good life. Thanks, Mark and Planet Relish!


  3. Jim Says:

    My goal for 2011 is to read everything on this list.

    Including “Dead in the Water” and “Rough Draft,” (not listed above) I make the count 44. Thanks to the most excellent collection “Gleefully Macabre Tales” I’ve got a big head-start.

    I’ve got only 13 to go. 5 of those may be a bit problematic, but the rest may just require me shelling out some money for a few books and back-issues.


    • jeffstrand Says:

      If your goal is to obtain a complete collection, then I salute your valiant quest.

      If you just wanna read ’em, let me know which stories you’re missing and I’ll send you the .doc files.


      • Jim Says:

        Oh, sure, do it the easy way!!!

        Seriously though, thanks! I don’t want to collect them. I just want to read them, enjoy them, and read them again. An email is imminent.

        You know, several hours of Googling, searching web archives, checking Cleveland Public Library, etc. and it never occurred to me to just ask. Ha! Though I have unearthed some good interviews, a few that maybe you wish you hadn’t, and the first three issues of Insidious Reflections in pdf format.


      • Jim Says:

        OK, I thought I was on to something, but I hit another snag. The Browne Popular Culture Library at BGSU only has one issue of Liquid Ohio (Spring 2001) and isn’t sure where there might be archived copies, outside a personal collection. I don’t “myspace” so I’m not positive, but it appears the LiquidOhio friends page hasn’t had activity in about 5 years.

        I felt pretty good about getting that far. I will not be denied!!


  4. Jim Says:


    A tale of vengeance gone awry. I couldn’t decide if I felt sorry for the protagonist, or if I wished he would have taken a few more beatings.


    • Jim Says:

      Hmmm, “Comeuppance,” and “Eight-Legged Vengeance.” Hostility issues? Neighbor’s dog spending a little too much quality time on your front lawn?


  5. Jim Says:

    “Gramma’s Corpse.”

    Jeff, you’re either a certifiably deranged sociopath or a seriously under-recognized genius!

    No one else could have taken such a repulsive, repugnant story premise and turned it into such a breathtakingly compelling classic fright-fest.

    I’ve only read it twice, so far.


    • jeffstrand Says:

      Thanks! When I started writing that story, I’d planned for it to be a dark comedy, but I ended up playing it straight.

      One of my favorite “live reading” moments was reading this story at Necronomicon and getting an audible gasp from the audience when her eye popped open.


  6. Jim Says:

    OK, either I’m reading too much horror, or not getting enough sleep, or both! While I was packing up the Christmas decorations from the front yard, I was sure the inflatable Santa, polar bear and penguin were talking to me while I was trying to stuff them into the boxes. And they were none too happy with me.

    I suppose if I were someone creative, that could maybe be fleshed out into an interesting short. Meanwhile I’m keeping an eye on those boxes…


  7. Jim Says:

    “The Apocalypse Ain’t So Bad.”

    Take a little Andrew Mayhem, a little Benjamin, and add a dash of Annie (…the sun will come out, tomorrow…) and you have the main character of this tale, hapless but ever positive survivor of the end of the world.

    This short has some of the funniest lines I’ve read in some time! “They can take away my freedom. They can take away my arm. They can take away my life. But they won’t take away my smile until they eat my lips.”

    I was reading it at lunch and laughed so hard I about shot rice out of my nose! (It wouldn’t have made me very popular with the cleaning staff.)

    Since I’m reading these in no particular order, it’s hard to say they keep getting better and better, but I don’t think there’s been a dud in the bunch!

    “I wanted to applaud, but…well, you know…”


  8. Jim Says:

    OK, proof that I’m not on Mr. Strand’s payroll, I have two stories I read last week that disappointed me.

    “Burden.” I believe the word he used was unpleasant, and I think that is extremely accurate. Enough said.

    “The Big Bite.” A good short over-all, but to me it just didn’t feel right? Great premise, good dialog, quirky, but it was missing something; the alchemy that sparks his creations from good to great. It had all the elements, but in the end I kept thinking ghost writer.


    • jeffstrand Says:

      You bastard!!!

      What didn’t you like about “Burden?” Was it a lousy story, or was it just the “not fun” tone? It’s certainly not a cheery tale…

      No ghostwriter for “The Big Bite!” In the first two reviews I read of MONSTROUS, one singled it out as the best story in the collection, and the other said it was one of the worst. It’s obviously not meant to be anything more than a fun little story.


      • Jim Says:

        I’m betting I’m not going to get by on this with an “I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me…”


      • jeffstrand Says:

        No! Explain your hatred!


      • Jim Says:

        [Hanging head] Sorry, everyone.

        I will not hate Jeff’s stories.
        I will not hate Jeff’s stories.
        I will not hate Jeff’s stories.
        I will not hate Jeff’s stories.
        I will not hate Jeff’s stories.
        I will not hate Jeff’s stories.
        I will not hate Jeff’s stories.
        I will not hate Jeff’s stories.
        I will not hate Jeff’s stories.
        I will not hate Jeff’s stories.

        Whew… 490 times to go…


      • jeffstrand Says:

        Criticism is acceptable in these parts! (At least from the regulars.)


  9. Jim Says:

    Then we circled around and back to the good stuff!

    “Here’s What Happened…” My copy of Waiting For October finally arrived, and not a moment too soon. An epic story being related by the narrator, who keeps getting interrupted by the listener (I feel for you, brother!) Funny stuff.

    “This Skit is Extinct,” “The Lust-Mobile,” and “The Cigar Store.” Early works that homage some of Jeff’s muses and inspirations. Despite what he might think, these are not at all bad, and it’s neat to see how far his talent has progressed.

    “Poor Career Choice.” OK, I actually read this before, but, hey, it’s Andrew Mayhem, and it’s good!


  10. Jim Says:

    One of the fun things about the internet is that often pages don’t get deleted, and can be unearthed years later. Posted in May/June of 2001 is the story, “High Stakes.”

    If you haven’t read Gleefully Macabre Tales (and why haven’t you!) then you can find this short at:


    • jeffstrand Says:

      King Tut’s tomb, and then “High Stakes.” Humanity can find ANYTHING!


    • Jim Says:

      I also found a page with “I hold the Stick,” but didn’t share that one. At the rate I was turning up pages, people would have just come here to read Gleefully Macabre Tales.


  11. Jim Says:

    Two more winners this week, neither in the above list.

    “Cub Scout Gore Feast.” This is one of the extras that can be found in the digital edition of “Draculas.” A cub scout camp-out. A scary story around the campfire. It is just a story, isn’t it?

    “The Cover.” Printed in issue #10 of Necrotic Tissue. Tired of paperbacks with lackluster covers, a man sets out to confront the photographer creating these inferior products. What he finds may change his life.


  12. Jim Says:

    Barely into the second quarter, and I realized this evening that I’m almost through with my quest. According to this list, and including the extras I found and posted about, I only need 2: Drain Bamage, and the forthcoming Specimen 313.

    (This does not include the round robin stories, which you have repeatedly advised me NOT to read. 🙂


  13. Jim Says:

    Anything new on the anthology RELICS & REMAINS? Seems that it is a bit overdue, as is another anthology they were to have put out the first half of the year.


  14. Jim Says:

    With just over 2 months to go, I’ve done it! (

    I finished my last story, Drain Bamaged at 9:33am today. Unless there is something in the pipeline, and I’m told there usually is, I have finished the complete short story list (avoiding the round robins as instructed.)

    I don’t think I could have picked a better story to hold for last. Powerful stuff! TOTALLY did not see where it was leading and when it took me there, I had one of those rare “Oh, WOW!” moments. Definitely a slam dunk, and once again worth the price of the anthology if I don’t read another story from it.

    It seems to me that this milestone requires some sort of celebratory acknowledgement, although I have no idea what that could be? I guess I’ll go top off my coffee.


  15. Jim Says:

    Speaking of THE ORIGIN OF SLASHY, (we were speaking of SLASHY, weren’t we?) I see the digital version of CORRUPTS ABSOLUTELY? is available on Amazon


  16. Jim Says:

    Wow, and INSIDE THE BOXES is up for grabs in ATTIC TOYS, which just came out in digital this week


  17. Jim Says:

    And in case you missed it, WORK/LIFE BALANCE hit the digital shelf a few months back in HELP! WANTED—Job-ebook


  18. Jim Says:


    TIN CANS looks like it may happen yet, there still appears to be activity with CADENCE IN DECAY. Not so sure about CHOMP! (A CAUTIONARY TALE) though, RELICS & REMAINS seems to have gone AWOL. Not finding any updates on the book in the last year.


  19. Jim Says:

    Well, it’s taken a while, but I finally scored a copy of DEATHGRIP: EXIT LAUGHING. Now I can finally view THE SOCKET in its natural habitat!


  20. jeffstrand Says:

    Wow! How’d you get that?


    • Jim Says:

      I’ve got an automated search on eBay to watch for your listings since so many of them are OOP and I’ve got digital copies only of a couple of them. This one caught in the sieve (and I got it for a pittance.) A bonus to an overall good week.


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