ZOMBIE WARS!!! Round Four: MR. CORPSE vs. I AM LEGEND

Are the creatures in Richard Matheson’s 1954 classic I Am Legend vampires or zombies? (Or are they CGI mutants?) George Romero has called this novel the inspiration for Night of the Living Dead, which means that I Am Legend inspired the film that created the modern zombie mythos.

I’m not going to lie to you. My novel The Sinister Mr. Corpse has not yet inspired any modern mythos. If you were to approach 100 people on the street and ask them which of the two novels has made more of an impact on our culture, lots of them would say I Am Legend. I’m okay with that. I don’t feel betrayed at all.

The thing, is, this is ZOMBIE WARS, not ZOMBIE (OR ARE THEY VAMPIRES?) WARS. The Sinister Mr. Corpse contains the word zombie 73 times! That’s even more times than the book contains the f-word! How many times does “zombie” appear in I Am Legend? I think zero. If it’s not zero…well, it’s certainly not 73 times. Richard Matheson can influence the cultural landscape all he wants, but nobody is going to read The Sinister Mr. Corpse and not know if I’m trying to shamelessly cash in on the zombie bandwagon or the vampire bandwagon.

OFFICIAL RULING: The Sinister Mr. Corpse for the win.

Advertisements

ZOMBIE WARS!!! Round Three: MR. CORPSE vs. PET SEMATARY

Uh-oh! For Round Three, The Sinister Mr. Corpse is up against Pet Sematary, one of the scariest books ever written, arguably the finest work by a guy who has created some of the most iconic images in the history of the horror genre. Not to mention that I have been a finalist for the Bram Stoker Award twice, and both times I was defeated by Stephen King.

However, the Bram Stoker Award is decided by others, while ZOMBIE WARS!!! is decided by me. So sorry, Mr. King, but victory goes to The Sinister Mr. Corpse!

In Pet Sematary Stephen King kills a cat and a little kid. What kind of morally reprehensible person kills a cat and a kid? Now, you may be saying “But in Pressure didn’t you–?” but I will quickly interrupt. You like cats, right? LOLCats have added merriment to many an otherwise gloomy day. But, oh, that grouchy old Stephen King, he wants your cat to DIE, and then come back as some creepy “I Can Haz Human Flesh?” zombie cat. I’m not saying that if Stephen King were in your house right now he’d step on your cat, but…actually, I take that back. He would. Stephen King would totally step on your poor cat, just to watch its fur darken with blood.

Do you know how many cats die in The Sinister Mr. Corpse? None. Not a single one. Mr. Corpse is an all-human death zone (excluding one fish) and almost everybody who dies is over the age of eighteen. No little kids perish on MY watch.

Also, look at this silly cover:

So, yeah, Pet Sematary may be a masterpiece, but it doesn’t have one-tenth of the jolly fun you’ll find in my book.

OFFICIAL RULING: The Sinister Mr. Corpse for the win.


ZOMBIE WARS!!! Round Two: Mr. Corpse vs. Night of the Living Trekkies

Night of the Living Trekkies, by Kevin David Anderson and Sam Stall, seems to have an immediate advantage over The Sinister Mr. Corpse because it has two authors instead of one, and is therefore twice as good. After all, Draculas had four authors and was at least four times as good as a solo JA Konrath novel.

But while I have to admit that Night of the Living Trekkies is an extremely entertaining and funny book that works surprisingly well as a legitimate action-packed zombie novel, a quick Wikipedia search shows that Star Trek was cancelled in 1969. 1969. Most people weren’t even born in 1969! Way to spoof a timely target, Anderson & Stall!

The novel requires a ridiculous amount of suspension of disbelief, where the reader is asked to buy into the concept that people have set up an entire convention around that Star Trek show. Seriously? A whole convention? I’m sorry, but you’ve lost me right there. If the book was about a couple of people who accidentally wandered into the hotel, thinking that maybe it was Antiques Roadshow, I could accept the premise, but Anderson & Stall want you to believe that lots of people are there on purpose, some of them dressed in a manner relating to the television program. Like I said, the show was cancelled in 1969. They probably don’t even make clothes like that anymore.

Even wackier is the fact that characters in the book keep talking about Star Trek. In 1969, Gig Young won the Academy Award for Best Actor In A Supporting Role. I don’t think anybody has ever said a single word about Gig Young to me in my entire life, but in this book it’s pretty much non-stop “Star Trek! Zombies! Star Trek! Zombies! Star Trek! Zombies!”

I really enjoyed Night of the Living Trekkies and recommend it to those looking for a fun read, but its hard-to-swallow premise about Star Trek fans keeps it far out of the wingspan of excellence reached by my own contribution to the zombie genre.

OFFICIAL RULING: The Sinister Mr. Corpse for the win.

ZOMBIE WARS!!! Round One: Mr. Corpse vs. Johnny Gruesome

To my slack-jawed astonishment, it’s been brought to my attention that some readers doubt my claim that The Sinister Mr. Corpse is the finest zombie novel ever written. This is particularly odd because I never actually said that out loud, I just whispered it to myself in the mirror, but regardless, I stand by that assessment.

And I’m willing to prove it, by having The Sinister Mr. Corpse face off against every other zombie book out there. Oh, there will be some challenges, but I’m sure that by the end, you’ll all agree that no other zombie novel comes close to the sheer level of awesomeness radiated by my ultimate masterpiece.

Round One: The Sinister Mr. Corpse VS  Johnny Gruesome

Johnny Gruesome by Greg Lamberson may seem like a tough contender. After all, the foreword for the hardcover edition was written by me, the author of The Sinister Mr. Corpse, and my excellent taste has already been well established. Not to mention that Johnny Gruesome has not only a kick-ass theme song, but an entire CD of hard-rockin’ tunes that you can listen to while you read. And there’s even a music video where some chick gets her finger chomped off.

Yes, the novel is a gory good time, and if you’re looking to buy TWO zombie novels this year I might recommend that you purchase a copy…but Johnny Gruesome is a high school student. You know who else is a high school student? That mopey vampire in Twilight. Despite Lamberson’s attempts to portray his lead zombie as a dangerous, scary rebel who wreaks vengeance and stuff, he is ultimately part of the exact same demographic as Edward Cullen! Yeah, I guess Edward is supposed to be a century old, but if he were part of a Nielsen family, he’d check off the same damn box on the form as Mr. Gruesome.

(Edward Cullen’s initials are EC. Johnny Gruesome was inspired by EC comics. Need anything else?)

Yes, Johnny Gruesome is a quality novel, but in the end it’s just too close to a tale about whiny sparkly vampires, and thus cannot compete with the sheer tornado of greatness that is The Sinister Mr. Corpse.

OFFICIAL RULING: The Sinister Mr. Corpse for the win.

If you’ve written a zombie book that you think can compete in a head-to-head duel with me (spoiler alert: it can’t) then e-mail me at gleefullymacabre@gmail.com with a link to your ordering information, and I will be happy to FINISH YOU!!!

The Long Strange Trip of The Sinister Mr. Corpse

I’ve got a guest blog at Musings of an All-Purpose Monkey, where I talk about the great big ol’ loop my career has taken. Check it out right here. Why, there may even be a contest!

http://www.elizabethawhite.com/2011/02/22/the-long-strange-trip-of-the-sinister-mr-corpse-by-jeff-strand/

People Who Speak Italian Love DWELLER

One person does, anyway, and if it’s stereotyping to say that every person who speaks Italian loves Dweller, then at least it’s kind-hearted stereotyping. This review, posted by Luigi Musolino at Weirdiana (admit it, “Weirdiana” is a pretty cool name for a blog) is right here:

http://weirdiana.blogspot.com/2011/02/dweller-di-jeff-strand.html

10 Important Reasons You Should Buy MR. CORPSE

1. I Was E-Published Before It Was Cool

Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary) was published as an e-book in May 2000. Back then, if you were e-published, everybody thought you SUCKED! You were a LOSER! I suffered for the technology! There was none of this “Oooooh, how I love my Kindle!” sentiment. I practically got beat up in playgrounds over this.

2. It’s Dirt-Cheap

It’s $2.99. Have you ever heard of an e-book only costing $2.99? Well, yeah, lots of them are these days, but still…$2.99 for a novel? That’s madness! Honestly, when you finish reading The Sinister Mr. Corpse you’re going to feel like a criminal for having gotten it so cheap. And there’s no better feeling than the adrenaline rush of committing a crime, even if it’s a white-collar crime like this one.

3. You Don’t Need A Kindle (Though They’re Awesome)

The Smashwords edition is available in a bunch of different formats, covering pretty much any e-way you’d want to read it, and you can re-download it if you change your mind. The Amazon edition does not have DRM (digital rights management) enabled, so if you use Blake Crouch’s handy guide you can convert it to whatever format you want.

You can also download the Kindle app (for free!) for your PC, Mac, iPhone, iPad, ColecoVision, or whatever and read the Kindle editions that way. The download links are on the right side of the Amazon ordering page.

This also means that you could copy and share it pretty easily, but if you do, I’ll hunt your e-pirating ass to the ends of the earth.

4. It’s Suitable For Zombie Fans and Zombie Haters

Love zombies? It’s a zombie novel! Hate zombies? It’s a satire! It’s the ultimate in have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too storytelling. If you’re humorless and grim, it’s possible that you won’t enjoy this book all that much, but that’s what my novel Pressure is for.

5.  People Kinda Like It

“For pure, unadulterated, foul-mouthed, off-the-wall Strand at his humor-horror sarcastic best there is nothing that comes close to The Sinister Mr. Corpse.” — Savannah Now

“Those expecting the typical apocalyptic world full of flesh eating corpses will quickly realize they are in for a different treat altogether. For those familiar with Mr. Strand’s popular Andrew Mayhem novels, take the witty banter, sharp one liners and laugh out loud moments, and then turn it up a notch or three.” — Horror World

“With loads of relentless action and characters that make reading seem more like eavesdropping, The Sinister Mr. Corpse will have even the biggest stiffs among us laughing all the way to the grave.” — Rue Morgue

6. If You Don’t Buy A Copy, In Three Days You Will Be Walking Down The Sidewalk, Lost In Thought, And An Ice Cream Truck’s Brakes Will Fail, Causing The Vehicle To Careen Off The Road And Splatter You Like A Melted Cherry Popsicle.

Sorry, but it’s true.

7. If You Do Buy A Copy, In Three Days You’ll See An Adorable Orphan Walking Down The Sidewalk, Lost In Thought, And Because Your Senses Are Hyper-Aware From Having Read The Sinister Mr. Corpse, You’ll Save Him From An Out-Of-Control Ice Cream Truck, And Get A Reward That’s Way More Than The $2.99 You Spent.

Awesome, huh?

8. It’s Not Another Frickin’ Mash-Up

I’m not suggesting that Pride & Prejudice & Zombies was not the single most brilliant idea of the 21st century, because it totally was, but maybe you’re getting sick of authors saying “In my mash-up novel, you can’t tell which parts were written by me and which parts were written by F. Scott Fitzgerald!” You can buy The Sinister Mr. Corpse with confidence, knowing that none of it came from a public domain work by an author whose skills are far superior to my own.

9. I’m Saying “Please.”

Please?

10. Stick It To The Man!

The Sinister Mr. Corpse is my first venture into the world of self-publishing, and every time you buy a copy, some man is getting stuck! Fight the power! Support the little guy by heading over to Amazon right now and…okay, yeah, I’ll admit that Amazon fits the criteria of The Man, so you’re actually sort of supporting The Man instead of sticking it to him, but, still, they’ve created a world where I can self-publish a novel for the Kindle without people saying “You suck!!!” (See Item #1 above.)

Click HERE to get it from Amazon.

Click HERE to get it from Smashwords.


%d bloggers like this: