Deaaaaals!!!

It’s a week o’ deals. Right now Dark Regions Press is offering a six-book bundle of my trade paperbacks for $45! This includes Dead Clown Barbecue, Dweller, Wolf Hunt, Wolf Hunt 2, and Gleefully Macabre Tales, plus the anthology Christmas Horror Volume 2 which includes my short story “December Birthday.” Forty-five bucks! That’s CUH-RAAAAAAZY!!!

Order it right HERE.

Meanwhile, The Haunted Forest Tour was accepted for a BookBub deal last month and the listing goes live this Friday, July 13. BookBub deals are this amazing thing where you submit your book for a listing, they probably reject it (they only accept 1 in 5), you keep trying, and eventually they say yes. Then you pay for the listing, it goes out in their newsletter, and your sales go through the roof. Or at least you get enough of a boost to cover the cost of the listing.

So starting on Thursday, the Kindle edition of The Haunted Forest Tour will be 99 cents. But that’s not all! In case people who have no idea who the hell I am see the listing and start browsing, I’ll also be dropping the Kindle editions of Dead Clown Barbecue, Elrod McBugle on the Loose, Benjamin’s Parasite, Pressure, Dweller, Everything Has Teeth, Mandibles, Kumquat, Cyclops Road, and Blister to 99 cents as well!

Q: Does this apply to all markets?

A: No. Just the USA and UK.

Q: Whaaaaaat? Why do you hate your Canadian fans???

A: I know, I know, it sucks. Unfortunately, Amazon only allows you to do a Kindle Countdown Deal for the USA and UK.

Q: So screw the Countdown Deal! Just lower the price!

A: Here’s how it works: A book that sells for $2.99 or above earns you 70% royalties. (This is what let me become a full-time writer.) If it’s below $2.99, the royalty drops to 35%. A Kindle Countdown Deal lets you temporarily drop the price and keep the 70% royalties.

The problem is that 35% vs 70% royalties are one or the other. You can’t mix and match. You can’t take 35% royalties in Australia and 70% everywhere else. So if I drop the price in one market, it becomes 35% royalties across the board.

When I put the four-book Andrew Mayhem collection on sale, I didn’t want to leave out the non-USA/UK readers. So the 99-cent (equivalent) price applied to all markets, and my royalties were halved. The handful of extra sales didn’t come anywhere close to making up the significant loss from dropping the royalty rate.

The same thing happened with my Dweller BookBub deal. It feels good to not leave anybody out, but it stings to do the math and see how much it cost you. Since writing is my only source of income, I really can’t be dorking around with this kind of thing.

Q: You’re still a jerk.

A: Fair enough.

Q: When is Bring Her Back, which I hear is awesome, going on sale?

A: Not anytime soon. But it’s only three bucks!

Q: Eh. I’ll wait.

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A Sharp Stick in the Eye

Available August 14th! This anthology contains my story “Clyde the Necrophile,” because apparently nobody told the editor that when you receive a story called “Clyde the Necrophile,” you say, “No, thank you.”

A Sharp Stick in the Eye—Front Cover

Welcome to the Show

Check out this review from Sci-Fi And Fantasy Reviewer of the upcoming anthology Welcome to the Show, edited by Matt Hayward and Doug Murano. Here’s what they said about my story “Parody.”

“Just as disorientating, and with a comedic edge to it that is so dark as to be almost impenetrable, is Parody by Jeff Strand, who provides the tale of a musician trying to break into the music circuit at The Shantyman by performing unique song parodies; Strand writes beautiful prose, and he easily takes the reader into the mind of a desperate and distinctly unhinged performer determined to be noticed no matter what. I was absolutely not expecting the story to take the turn that it did, and it took several re-reads to appreciate just how subtly Strand had built up to those final few moments in the story.”

The full review, which says many, many nice things about the stories lurking in this book, is right HERE. The book itself makes its grand premiere at Scares That Care next month, which is yet another reason that you should go.

 

Summer Con Season!

I’ve got three horror conventions coming up this summer. Necon (July 19-22, Bristol, Rhode Island), Scares That Care (August 3-5, Williamsburg, Virginia), and KillerCon (August 24-26, Austin, Texas).

Necon, of course, I go to every year. This year I’m on the panel “Children’s Literature Vs. Middle Grade Vs. Young Adult” and I’ll also be co-emcee of the infamous Necon Roast, where I get to gleefully oversee the suffering and misery of some poor bastard.

I went to Scares That Care three years ago and absolutely loved it. Tragically, it then moved to the same weekend as Necon for two years and I whined a lot. But this year they’ve been separated by a couple of weeks and I get to go to both! I’m doing a reading and I’m on a panel to discuss the upcoming anthology Welcome to the Show, which contains my story “Parody.”

I’ve never been to KillerCon. I’ve heard it’s awesome. I’m doing a reading (assuming my flight is on time) and moderating a panel on villains. In a fit of madness, I also volunteered to take part in the Hot Wing Eating Challenge, so if you see me and I’m coughing and hacking and I scream “Just leave me alone, okay???” when you speak to me, please don’t take it personally.

Which of these events will I see YOU at?

Gazebo

Gazebo

My wife and I spent most of the Fourth of July putting this gazebo up in our back yard. We were armed with the written instructions AND a how-to video. However, it turned out that the instructions were written in indecipherable ancient alien hieroglyphics, and the video was not actually intended to show you how to assemble the gazebo but was rather a  state media propaganda piece designed to lie about the ease of putting it together. Crucial steps appeared in almost subliminal cuts.

But in the end, we prevailed.

Happy Almost Fourth of July!

You’ll be happy to know that I haven’t snorked down the entire bag of vampire gummi bears yet. Or maybe this news disappoints you. I don’t know. I can’t monitor all of you.

The July issue of my newsletter should come out this week, although I haven’t started the short story. I don’t even know what it’s going to be about. I’ve got nothing! Nothing!!! Why the hell did I commit to writing a new short story for every issue? What kind of FOOL does that kind of thing?

I’m hard at work on my next novel, and all I’ll say is, if you thought Sick House and Bring Her Back were dark, well…you’re right Those books were pretty dark. This new novel is a thriller but it’s way lighter and funnier.

The Bring Her Back discussion thread in the Goodreads Horror Aficionados group has been a lot of fun so far. As of now, it’s really just a general Q&A. If you’ve got any Q’s you want me to A, pop on over. (You can also just post a Q as a comment, and I’ll make it a future blog entry.) The thread is right HERE.

Vampire Gummis

My sister visited from Germany, and she brought me a vast selection of German gummi candies, including a package of my beloved Haribo Vampires. These are shaped like bats. The wings are various fruit flavors, and the body, though gummi, is flavored like black licorice.

I know some of you reading this are thinking “EWWWW!!!! THAT SOUNDS HORRIBLE! I’M NOT CURRENTLY EATING ONE MYSELF BUT I STILL CAN’T GET THE TASTE OUT OF MY MOUTH!” but to me this is pure gummi bliss. Nom nom nom.

The latest online issue of The Horror Fiction Review came out, and it’s got a review of Bring Her Back. I’m not just cherry-picking the good stuff when I quote it as saying: “This is Strand at his gruesome best…some of the darkest humor you’ll read this year (or any year).” You can verify this right HERE.

 

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